Obuábamos

New Years Resolutions

2010-01-09T17:44:00.000-08:00

So it's been 2010 for a little while now. But my resolutions for the new year are really for the new semester, and that hasn't quite begun yet. On new years, thinking about school and such felt really distant and unimportant, but as I'm preparing to go back the things I'd thought about for resolutions pre-Acorn visit are coming back to me. So I'm going to write them down. Here. So that anyone who reads this can hold me to them. ;) (You can do that, right Jacob?)

1) Phone home!
I'll admit it, I've been atrocious with this. And I can do better! I will figure out, early, a regular time to call home. (Doesn't seem that hard... so as soon as I know when quintet is meeting...) Also, I realized over break that there's no reason I couldn't call other friends from home in an effort to keep in touch. Therefore, I intend to do so. Also, I'm going to say, for the sake of saying it, that I'll post in this blog no less than biweekly. That's right, every other week, for the rest of the year, Miriam will update Obuabamos. It's one more way to communicate with those who aren't right here with me. In return, everyone's always welcome to comment! :)

2) Journal
In the vein of writing regularly, I'm going to go back to keeping a journal much like I did during Walkabout. I won't be sending it to anyone, and I won't have anything to prompt me to write about certain things, but I still want it to have the sort of feeling of a Walkabout journal. What that means is, I want to take time to reflect on the learning experience that is life, and make sure I'm actually accomplishing what I mean to accomplish. It means setting goals and actively gauging how well I'm reaching them. It means facing my short-comings and learning from them instead of letting them slip away forgotten. And, keeping a journal is a pleasant, relaxing activity that I think just makes me a happier person. Theoretically, one writes in a Walkabout journal everyday. In reality, no one quite does this. So, I figure that I'll treat myself about the same way as I did during Walkabout, and I'll reap about the same benefit.

3) Make friends
I was supposed to do this first semester. Well, that's not to say I didn't make any friends. I even started a successful relationship! But in general I feel dissatisfied with my social life and I think that in some cases all I really need to do is be more assertive by doing simple things like asking if people want to hang out with me sometime. (gasp) Being social is generally pretty hard for me, and yet when I made it a specific goal for my Acorn Walkabout I more than succeeded, connecting with some people to the point that I feel like part of a family. Part of that was the openness and awesomeness of people in community, but I suspect a lot of the difference was me.
3a) Spend more time in the Loft...
...or other common space. The point is, I need to get out of my room. It's really quite silly.
3b) Tell people how cool they are
Hey, wanna be friends? Cause you're pretty awesome and I need a life. I don't know why this makes me feel so vulnerable. Again, silly.

4) Make Veg. Club awesome.
I'm president of veg. club now, bitches. What now?

5) Prioritize the gardens...
...above everything else. I mean, I won't skip quintet rehearsal, friends' recitals, or classes with strict attendance policies/that I'm worried about my grade in, but that's it. I'm going to try to affiliate Veg club with the community gardens, so that won't cause conflicts. Homework and practicing can be done anytime, so garden events take precedence. This is one thing I know makes me truly happy, that I truly care about. I'm not letting other things get in the way.

6) Come back to Acorn.
I mean, that's given. But I think it nevertheless belongs on the list. I will be seen at Acorn again in 2010. Count on it.

Rockin' Out in VA for New Years

2010-01-08T15:12:00.000-08:00

So, today got back from my visit to the ol' Walkabout placement, Acorn community in Mineral, Virginia. It was a lovely experience all around, except for getting there and especially coming back. Buses are not fun, yo. Being told you have to go all the way down to Tennessee (which is further from Columbus, Charlottesville or Knoxville?) to catch a bus home because Greyhound can't send busses through West Virginia is just plain uncool. So is waiting in the Knoxville bus station for 8 hours. But that's not really the point. The point is, I got to go back to Acorn! :)

Apparently, I have the innate ability to show up right when Acorn's having a party, event though this hardly ever happens. In August I came to Acorn right before their rave, and this time around Acorn had a "New Years Eve Eve" party on December 30th. And after that, there was the infamous Twin Oaks New Years Eve Party. And while another person might see this as a blessing, I would usually be disinclined to feel that way. I surprised myself with the amount of fun I had at both of these events. By the end, I had gained a real sense of having become a part of the family, as it were. Even though I didn't truly know everyone, most people seemed at least familiar. And there was just love and goodwill in the air.

I've met some cool people in the past 10 days that I've been hanging around at Acorn, as well as reconnecting with old friends. There were a couple pretty awesome interns, as well as a pair of visitors from Eastwind. I've been thinking lately that I should someday visit some of these other FEC communities. But I haven't even begun plotting my next visit to Acorn yet, so that's sort of just something to hold in the back of my mind for now.

It's interesting, there hasn't been work to do in Bowling Green's community gardens for a time now, and I wasn't really expecting to find work in Acorn's either. But I wasn't entirely correct, there were a ton of carrots to dig up before the ground froze, greens to be harvested/thinned, and a fight to be had with some row cover. In all of these cases, it was amazing to me how refreshing it felt to be working in the dirt again. Particularly Acorn's dirt. Or just heading past the greenhouse with a garden cart filled with row cover... there was a rightness to it.

Of course, I did have to find other ways to entertain myself. I feel that my most significant project was helping to construct the temporary bedroom in one of the farmhouse living rooms by helping with covering the fold-out wall and constructing a bunk bed. And then I lived there for the rest of my visit. None of my other work was particularly note-worthy. Seed packing and the like. Really, the point of a visit like this, for all that I am ready and willing to work and be helpful, is to spend time with people and such. Which I did. Success!

Home!

2009-12-20T18:36:00.000-08:00

Last week was exam week, a week of madness. I really only had three things to worry about, but it was still kind of intense. I had a jury on Monday, my first jury. I had to play a solo for the woodwind faculty and take up 10 minutes. Except, they were running behind so I wasn't even in there for that long. I came in, nodded to my accompanist, played through the second movement of the Saint-Saens, (which, happily, I've played many times in my past) and was excused. I think it went well.

My only other exams were biology and environmental studies. I did awesome on these. The results are already on Blackboard. I also got to meet with the adviser for if I change my major to environmental science or environmental policy. I really think I might do policy. It looks exciting. A friend said to me, so you're going to major in hippie? Some people would be offended by that. However, it pleases me.

I got home on Thursday, just in time to go to WK's choir concert and come up to sing Come to the Water. It's a tradition for the top choir, Kilbourne Singers, to come from the back of the auditorium to the stage singing "Come to the Water" at every concert. At the winter concert, the alumni get to come up to the stage and sing with them. I've been really looking forward to that. It was odd though, for all that I've sung it many times, I almost forgot the words. I hadn't actually thought about the song at all until suddenly I was on stage and supposed to be singing. Oops.

I also got to sing with the choir at Beth Tikvah, my synogogue, Friday night for the Chanukah service. I learned Sargon's "Blessed is the Match" in the car on my way there. It was kind of intense and there were a couple things that were kind of weird at first sight, although when I heard the accompaniment it all fell together in my head and I could sing it. See? When I've studied more music theory I'll be able to predict what all that will sound like too and ge able to learn choir music that much more quickly. Singing felt really good on both occaisions. I wasn't in choir this semester and I've missed it.

Now I'm scrambling to see my friends before I take off... for Acorn!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot express how excited I am to go back! Happy winter solstice y'all! (that's tomorrow right?)

The Lorax

2009-11-30T11:00:00.000-08:00

Today, we watched “The Lorax” by Dr. Seus in Environmental Studies 1010. How adorable; much like the rest of the curriculum. Not that I dislike the picture book, and I remember sitting down and watching the animated video all the way through some months ago when I should have been doing homework. In certain contexts, the video would be strikingly appropriate, but I did not feel that way this morning.

Perhaps I am frustrated because I feel that my class is at least half-full of little once-lers, paying no real heed to the message of the class, a message quite like that of the lorax. Unfortunately, I fear it is being communicated just as ineffectively here as in the picture book and that my classmates are no less determined to chop down every last trufula tree than they were when the semester began. Stocks are up! Let’s keep biggering!

I write this as a final tantrum, finally admitting to my true feelings about how I have been spending my time lately. I woke up today to complete the assignment in our cute little lab manual. The entire thing asked us to jump from webpage to webpage, writing down some specific piece of information. Some of the pages didn’t actually exist anymore, although really the whole thing would likely have moved more quickly if I had Googled each question individually.

But you’re supposed to read the articles and learn from them!

That’s not what I was asked to do. If you want me to read about ozone in the troposphere, why don’t you just assign me articles to read about it? Why, you could even put the information you want me to know in the textbook itself! Why have me jump from place to place, regurgitating information like I did in middle school from articles written at a third grade reading level? The real reason, Professor, that students complain when you assign us readings from scientific journals and ask us to synthesize information in an academic essay is that you, not the rest of the system, have lulled us into expecting assignments like what I completed this morning. Why are you surprised, or even disappointed?

As for class today, “The Lorax,” is a well-written story. We’re all familiar with it, a small fuzzy man speaking out against the greedy onceler and his thneed business. We have all heard the refrain, “I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees!”

And the class just sits there as our professor explains that we should take notes because it has to do with class.

Yes! Yes, “The Lorax” is a call to action! And that’s exactly what this class is missing. By this point in the semester, this moment when we have covered every topic in the manual and theoretically have a sound information base in all sorts of environmental issues, the story of the Lorax might just be exactly what ought to tie it all together. Now that you know, now that you see how all of this is connected, take care of that last trufula seed! What? The Lorax is a fictional character? Then it is YOUR job to speak for the trees.

But it has instead become just one more exam item, as if there were any point in testing anyone on “The Lorax.” And when the class was over we all began asking straightforward questions about when assignments are due and how we might weasel out of them. And the tiny little Lorax, he and his message are forgotten.

A Semester (almost) Done With

2009-11-18T19:59:00.000-08:00

Well, so much for writing regularly. But what do you expect of a busy college student? What? Other people manage this? I will here none of this nonsense! (But might try harder in the future. We'll see, I make no promises.)

It's been a crazy semester indeed. About halfway through I finally conceded that I was simply not happy and could improve the situation by discontinuing my self identification as a performance major. No worries though! I will continue my studies as a music minor. I don't have a major picked out yet. I'm taking an environmental studies class right now and liking that department a lot, but I'm exploring some other things next semester, including Native American studies and Asian and African geography. Fun times? Maybe? I hope so.

In the mean time, for all that time is running out, fall semester still in fact will last me a few more weeks. Really, less than 2 + exam week. (blech) Speaking of exams, I have a scale jury on Tuesday. (Play 15 scales, the full range of your instrument, it might be any major or minor key played normally or in 3rds. You only get 2 mistakes. Ready? Go!) So, good times.

This Saturday is BGSU's Double Reed Day, which should be plenty exciting. Lots of riciculous music, including some world premieres I will hopefully remember to blog about afterwards. ;) I'm excited. I'm excited to get it over with; I'm playing in 3 ensembles and I barely know when I'm rehearsing with who where.

Other than that, I've been involving myself pretty heavily in Veg. club. I might blog more about that later, perhaps as events start coming up. Also FREEDOM, which is a social justice/activism/we don't know how to self-identify group on campus. Again, more on that soon. Vegetarian potluck after double reed day! Hurrah!

A Quick Visit Makes All The Difference

2009-08-12T17:57:00.000-07:00

To be honest, I haven't had the greatest summer. I've spent most of it moping around in self-pity, hating my job, and wishing to be elsewhere. Specifically, I spent it looking forward to July 31, the day I would make a pilgrimage back to Acorn, and looking backwards at my internship, wishing it hadn't ended. I do regret this; I think I could have made infinitely better use of my time if I'd approached things differently. Still, I went back to Acorn and have come home again, and it's time I tell (at least some of) my stories.

When my road trip started drawing to a close and I started recognizing familiar territory, everything started to feel incredibly surreal. I had this strange, "I must be dreaming," feeling, and yet I was quite literally physically shaking with excitement. I greeted friends, and then I had to meet the flood of unfamiliar faces.

Saturday night (August 1) Acorn had a rave, and when I arrived the day before, the place was bursting with people, many of whom I'd never met before. It was very challenging for me, trying to figure out who had what connection to the community. Who was an intern? Who was applying for membership? Who was just there for the rave? Who had been there since June? Who had only just arrived within the last week? I have been away just the slightest bit longer than I was ever present, and there was at least one woman who had arrived days after my initial departure. Finding someone technically (by time span in any case) more a part of the community than I had ever been who I had never met at first disconcerted me. I still remember the feeling, although it seems silly now, just as I knew it to be then. Gaining some level of comfort with new faces at Acorn was the first important step last week in finding the peace I was seeking.

Then there was the party Saturday night, which involved music, dancing, and yes, drugs, though I did not partake. (Walkabout may be over, but school was never the real reason for me to make that sort of decision) Really, I feel as if most of what I needed to get from my visit came only after the rave, but I did manage to have fun, hang out lots with Jess, and discover gleefully how many Twin Oaks members who I'd only met once or twice still remembered me.

Early in the week, both before and after the rave, I feel as if I mostly feel as if my social needs for the trip were addressed. This meant both that I was able to get to know new people and reassure myself of my friendship with people I had heard from only rarely (if at all) over the past two months. I've really come to realize what great friends I really do have at Acorn and I feel almost foolish for having doubted that. I came to feel even closer to a few of the members than I had over Walkabout, and I came to fully understand that I really can come back whenever I want/can manage to do so. Thank you everyone (in case you're reading this), you're wonderful.

Then there was the fine art of paying homage to all the little shards of my soul that had been sprinkled throughout the property and coming to terms with the fact that not only the social landscape, but the physical landscape of Acorn had changed. Most significantly, two building projects that were passed during my internship have actually seen some work (there's a bunch of tree houses being built behind Heartwood, and the foundation (?) for Bucket's natural building workshop project has been laid) and the garden is growing! The beans I planted are being harvested! Plants I helped grow are gone! Plants I've never seen before have sprouted! I ran around the garden, feeling like some crazy relative that comes up to you when you're young and exclaims, "look how you've GROWN!" And this was all well, except for the part that I've gone from knowing nothing, to feeling exceedingly competent, to not really knowing what's going on anymore. By the end of the week, I at least felt I was pretty sure I knew what plants were growing where again, and I had helped out with enough things in the garden to feel I'd left at least a small imprint on things. I have my fancies anyway.

Basically, I've made the cognitive leap to truly understand that things are happening and changing outside the world that I directly experience and feel--and it's OK. That doesn't make me belong any less. I don't know how many Walkabout students leave their placement feeling as if they've discovered a second family, but I know that I have. Again, thanks everyone. Can't wait to see you again ;)

What Has Obuabamos Become?

2009-07-28T17:58:00.000-07:00

For two months now, I have chosen not to speak to the wide world of the internet for a while, not really knowing what I ought to say. That uncertainty stems from a deeper uncertainty of who I ought to be and what I ought to become. My second Walkabout left my inner compass spinning wildly out of control, and the purpose of any blog I might write became helplessly murky.

Literally translated from the context from which the word was derived, "obuabamos" means, "we used to oboe." This may turn out to be a very telling name for this blog. Certainly, we (me, myself, and I) used to oboe every day without fail. We haven't lately. I haven't abandoned the oboe entirely, and I haven't even decided to change majors--I'll go with Plan A for a minimum of one semester. But more than that?

The reason I made this blog was to chronical the adventures and misadventures of Walkabout for all who wished to hear what was becoming of me while occaisionally getting on a soapbox for the fun of it and pretending the internet was listening. I've recently realized that I can still do all this--only now I'll be documenting the adventures and misadventures of college.

And really, whether I become musician or... or... whatever it is I might be heading towards, I think it will be really cool to share how I get there. So, I'm just going to write about stuff that sounds cool to write about for a while, and slowly try to get connected to the larger community of the internet. Hello Blogospere! I'm back!

2009-05-18T08:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the final band concert of the year at Kilbourne where all the bands, from 6th grade to the Wind Ensemble, perform in WK's gym. This is when the senior awards are given. There are two scholarships from the boosters and two awards given by the band directors. The highest award given, the highest honor for a band student, is the John Philip Sousa Award, given for superior dedication and musicianship. As I finished pounding stakes into the ground (sort of) I noticed I had a text message from my mom. I got the Sousa Award yesterday. I'm still kind of in shock.

Pounding stakes into the ground? That project, which I really finished this morning, was part of the larger goal of preparing beds for the transplanting of tomatos. Each tomato plant will be transplanted right in front of one of those stakes and then a metal cage will be put around them, secured by the stakes. This way, the tomatos will grow vertically. I'm expecting/hoping a lot of transplanting to be happening soon. I'm pretty sure that's my favorite task here. I'm pretty sure my least favorite is picking orders.

I've had a really good week. I'm realizing how much I've come to love the people here and how hard it will be to leave them. Even (or especially) Jess, who doesn't even live at Acorn. There have been a few short-term guests here lately, although all of them have left again. I really liked all of them.

There was a party at Woodfolk House on Saturday which was pretty cool. It's a pretty interesting place.

It is kind of odd to me, realizing how much has happened at home while I've been away. I wish I could have been at Extravaganza, and I certainly do miss band. But at the same time, I suspect leaving here will be harder for me than leaving home was.

Yet Another Week

2009-05-10T07:33:00.000-07:00

The week started out rainy and bleak and for the first couple of days, I couldn't really get outside. Happily, the sun has begun to shine again in recent days, and now I'm hardly popping into the office.

It seems that I've been spent the majority of my work time in the allium beds this week. Wednesday, a party of us went about weeding them, and afterwards, I was given the task of re-mulching. I spent almost all of Thursday afternoon mulching, paying no heed the the prevelence of thorns in the hay mulch until later when I realized just how much it had scraped up my legs. There's a visible line where my capris ended (at least I was wearing longer ones that day) and another where my socks began. In between is very scratched up. After that, I began getting up early to work when it was still cool enough for me not to hate my life while wearing long pants as I completed the job.

Last night I went to Twin Oaks to play ultimite frisbee and for their visitor party. (Twin Oaks has these month-long visitor periods that are concluded by the visitors throwing a party) I'm really not any good at frisbee, but I actually came out of it feeling like I'd done alright. To be sure, I was utterly exhausted from running so hard for so long, but there was something nice about that too. The visitor party was basically a bonfire with marshmellows and other food. People came along and played guitars and sang. I finally heard Cliff, with whom I often talk music here, play guitar. Twin Oaks also has a barbershop group and they sang. That was pretty sweet.

2009-05-03T11:37:00.000-07:00

Once again, I feel like the week passed unnervingly quickly. I kept not believing I was already so far into the week, but now as I look back, it seems like an incredibly long time. A shift has started to happen now that wasn't nearly as gradual at ProMusica. On the one hand, I'm still counting the weeks that I've been here and have the feeling that this is a short time. I guess that's part of how I can look at the four weeks ahead and think, "how can I be almost half finished already?!" But at ProMusica, after the March concerts, I felt a distinct shift in thought from, "this is how long I've been here," to "this is how long I have left."

The beginning of my week mostly went as the last two have been. I definitely have become more familiar with the way things work here and with the people and everything. I'm able to feel somewhat independent most of the time and know where to look for work to do. I feel accepted here too, and I've been asked a few times if I was thinking of ever coming back. To be honest, I'm not entirely excited for coming back home. Going back to work at Zoombezi Bay just doesn't sound like much fun.

On May Day, we had a bonfire. Burning bamboo makes great exploding sounds like gunshots. Jess came over that night. I don't know if I mentioned her before. She lives at Twin Oaks and was working over here my first week here. She's really awesome, and has this tail she wears all the time just because she can. She stayed the night and brought me to Twin Oaks yesterday.

I don't know how much I've written about Twin Oaks before either. It's another community that existed before Acorn, and is about 100 people big (as opposed to Acorn's 15 members). My main impression of Twin Oaks was... big. Besides having that many more people, things are just considerably more spread out. The property here is already significantly less (even though it felt quite big when I got here), but then I basically never go onto most of it. Pretty much any place I go/work regularly could be pointed out from the porch of Heartwood. At Twin Oaks, we did a lot of walking through woods. There's a lot more walking involved in going just about anywhere.

When I was at Twin Oaks, besides getting shown about by Jess, I helped out in the flower garden some and helped Jess move her smoker. A few weeks ago she sort of made a smoker using things from the resource (aka junk) yard and successfully has smoked cheese with it, but people living in the building where it was assembled in their fire pit were getting tired of it, so she needed to move it elsewhere. It was kind of fun hauling it around just because the contraption looks kind of ridiculous if you don't know what it is.

Other than that, I don't feel like there's a whole lot to report. It's been getting cloudy and finally started raining last night--still is. I hope things are good at home. :)

Another Week

2009-04-26T13:24:00.000-07:00

(The picture is from Obohemia: http://www.oboe-comics.com/ and it's like the best website ever)

It's amazing, on the one hand I don't feel like I've been here all that long, but at the same time, my last post feels like forever ago. So here goes my week in an attempt of something like chronological order:

I believe it was Monday morning that I began hacking away at bamboo. So Acorn has this bamboo, and I guess someone has decided that it has grown far enough. G Paul asked me to cut some down and beat it back to a certain line, and then I got to strip branches off. This has actually been an on going project through the entire week--there's a lot of bamboo. This was actually kind of entertaining for me just because bamboo is such a cool plant. I mean, it's bamboo!! I suppose as an oboist I'm supposed to like bamboo, as the arundo donax plant oboe reeds come from is closely related.

I also learned to pick orders this week. Now, as well as putting seeds in packets, I can work in the seed room, gathering together what people have ordered and rubber-banding them together. It's not real exciting, but actually takes a certain amount of concentration since the numbers start to look the same after a while. I understand the way the seeds are catalogged though, which is a good thing I suppose.

The other good thing about picking is that the seed room is temperature controlled as nowhere else here is. Yesterday and today the weather has been in the 90s, and it's not supposed to go down until Wednesday. The heat is brutal. The last couple of days working outside only an hour and a half was enough to completely wipe me out for the rest of the day. Today I only needed to work that long to make quota (42 hours a week, and I was almost there already) and I spent it in the office this morning rather than working in the garden. Hopefully not doing any physical work today will make me ready to face tomorrow.

Working outside has included not only the bamboo exploits but more garden work. I've been doing mostly weeding and transplanting lately. I still really enjoy working in the garden, but I think I need to rework my schedule, at least for the next few days to do it mostly in the early morning and after dinner before sundown. The thing that is both nice and difficult about living here is that I make my own schedule and can do pretty much whatever work I want. No one is telling me what I must do, so I simply have to look around to find what needs doing and ask around to see if I can help people. It's nice because I can do things like rearrange the order of my day, but it can be difficult if there aren't obvious things that need doing.

I'm quite happy here, except for the brutal heat, and I hope things are also good at home. I hear the Wind Ensemble got a 1 at state contest, which is awesome! Good job guys, I knew you could do it!!! :)

Good Times

2009-04-19T06:57:00.000-07:00

I've now spent about a week at Acorn and I'm having a really great time. I was surprised when I got here how welcomed I felt and how much working in dirt made me happy. I've done a lot of work in the garden, mostly weeding, and have done quite a bit of seed packing in the office. Seed packing basically entails weighing seeds and putting the right amount into packets to be sold. I'm hoping that in days and weeks to come I might be able to do some other things in the office. I also did some paper stapling, but that's about the same level of task. I don't object to packing seeds of course since it does need to get done.

Yesterday was my "get off the property day." First I went to Charlottesville with Thomas and Juniper for the Earth Week eco-fair where Southern Exposure Seed Exchange--Acorn's seed business--had a table. It wasn't actually all that exciting and I had to attempt to be helpful to people when I couldn't actually answer any of their questions. Happily, we were so close to the stage that it was really hard to hear what people were saying so people didn't try too hard and I had an excuse for being confused. I was never at the table by myself either so it was really just a matter of getting people to talk to Thomas or Juniper instead.

I was only back at Acorn long enough to eat dinner and then I went to Twin Oaks, which is another community about 7 miles away. Twin Oaks is much larger than Acorn, 110ish as opposed to 15ish, and they make their money from hammocks and tofu as opposed to seeds, but they do have a lot in common and there's a lot of interaction between the two communities. The original purpose of going was a game of ultimate frisbee, and I discovered to no great surprise that I am still very bad at the game. I had fun anyway though. We then went to the "birthday" party of a Twin Oaker (now 9500 days old) and there was smoked cheese (made with Twin Oaks's new smoker) and popcorn. I enjoyed being there because I knew a couple people who had been working at Acorn when I first arrived and people are just generally really nice at these communities.

In general, things are going great and I am happy. I hope things are still good at home!

The Plan

2009-04-12T07:39:00.000-07:00

Well here's the plan, people. If anyone's checking this blog at all anymore, you're aware that I haven't bothered to post anything for quite a while. There's something about posting personal experiences and feelings for the whole internet to read (things I do try to write about in my journals) that makes the blogging thing a little more complicated. Plus, at ProMusica anyway, I was almost more afraid of gossiping too much about the people in the organization or just the state of things because I don't know that they really want that kind of information out there. So from now on, I'm going to try to write once or twice a week completely separate from any journal so that anyone who wants knows I'm alive and what I'm up to, but if I want to keep some thoughts and fears and opinions between me and my journal reader, then then that is where they'll stay.

For this Walkabout, for which I will be leaving in an hour or so, I will be living at Acorn Community, an intentional, egalitarian community, in Mineral Virginia. It seems that I'll be doing household type chores, helping in the garden where most of the food grows, and helping with their seed business. But really, I don't have a great idea of what I'll be doing at all (heck what does any of that mean, right?) and even though that kind of makes me nervous, in real life that's not why I'm doing this Walkabout. The idea was just to find something entirely different to how I'm used to living and working, something out of my comfort zone. I'm uncomfortable with how comfortable I am in my own convictions and opinions of the world and my remedy is a good shaking up. So here's a whole new world of sorts and now I simply have to wait and see who I become.

Everything is Better With Band Class

2009-03-17T18:33:00.000-07:00

It is Saint Patrick’s day. Yes. It is awkward to be around adults talking about the plans to go drink (or their premature celebrations due to a dance performance tonight). I got a shamrock shake at McDonald’s. That is how to celebrate Saint Patrick’s day: green food coloring. Lots of it.

Anyway, life at ProMusica was actually pretty normal. No more stinky sewers, anyway. I needed to work on sending out invitations for the Student Gala, and Julia asked me to find websites for the orchestra boosters of the MIS schools. The first school on the list was Thomas Worthington. I don’t think their orchestra has a website. I don’t think Kilbourne’s does either. They must have boosters, right? I know WK’s choir has boosters, and the band clearly has boosters, so there must be someone out the supporting the orchestra, right? The sad thing is, I don’t know. The orchestra doesn’t do all that much. They have their concerts every year and that’s about it. Band has marching band, at the very least, as well as all our fun trips and what have you. Choir also goes on trips, and has done all sorts of interesting things. But I don’t know if the orchestra ever does anything but their requisite concerts for the year, and they may not need boosters for that. I wonder. I was very frustrated though, because I thought if there were any website I’d be able to find it would be Worthington’s. I’ve also gotten used to thinking that you can find anything you want on the internet if you look hard enough. I seem to have been wrong on both counts.

Sending out invitations for the student gala will be amusing for me because basically, I’m doing a mailing. I’ve pretty much made the contact spreadsheet, although Julia needs to look at it and maybe change and add some people. Then she’ll show me how to use that to print a jillion envelopes without doing what I did for Ashley where I printed each individually. I’ve already printed about 200 invitations. That involved losing a fight with the printer. I caused a paper jam and couldn’t figure out where it was. Julia had to help me. Stupid printer. After that, I get to stuff envelopes and put them through the postage machine. It’ll be like all those mailings I helped Joe and Ashley with… only mine. Bwahahahaha!

STANK!

2009-03-16T19:27:00.001-07:00

Today was certainly different. When I was talking to Julia at the beginning of the day, a loud noise started up just below the window to her office. There was a white rectangle spray-painted onto the sidewalk and a man was taking a large circular saw to the concrete while three others watched. (“Why is it always one guy doing the work while three people, now five I guess, watch?”) I eventually retreated to my own workspace, both glad to get away from the noise and reluctant to lose the chance to learn what was going on. The office I work in is on the opposite side of the suite from Julia’s, so the noise barely carried at all. This became more significant as the day progressed.

You see, what was being dug up was a sewer line. All of a sudden, Janet and Julia, whose windows face towards the work that was being done, began exclaiming that their rooms smelled like poo. Suddenly, any jealousy and curiosity was wiped out of me. After some commotion, the custodian happened to come up to empty our trash bins and was able to explain what was going on. Of course, the most essential information—that someone was digging into a sewage line—was all too apparent without explanation. Janet was eventually able to get a hold of the manager of the building and after a short while of talking with him on the phone, she and Julia decided to go to Panera to work rather than stay in their putrid offices.

This left me without a great deal to do. The office was certainly much quieter without Janet, Julia or Ashley. (Ashley went to New York this weekend and will be back tomorrow) Mostly I guess it’s quiet without Ashley. It’s not that I had nothing to do, but I didn’t feel any need to push things along with any gusto. It was Monday, after all. My office thankfully never got to smell hardly at all, but when I went farther back to print something it was already pretty bad. I’m sure that since Julia and Janet’s offices overlook the construction it must have been intolerable. I finished what Julia had given me to do and helped Joe some with a mailing. Ah mailings, how fun they are.

Julia and Janet came back around 4:00 and the air was pretty much back to normal. I did a little more work for Julia but I ended up leaving a little early. My dad was on a business trip today (but just today. He left ridiculously early in the morning and was home for dinner) so I drove myself to ProMusica and back. It was nice too, because it made it so that I could leave early. I think tomorrow we’ll be checking over all that needs to be done for the April concert and making a game plan. Things will definitely be picking up soon with that concert coming up. I’m excited because it will be just as important as the February concert with preparations on about the same scale (although it is all taking place at the Southern—no Josephinum) except this time I’ll understand what’s going on and be on top of things.

If you think about it, it’s all been broken up quite nicely. I started the week of the February concert, which was absolutely insane. I was utterly overwhelmed, but I picked up a lot quickly and had to establish my place almost immediately. I learned a lot right there at the beginning and basically saw most of what I’d be working on for the rest of the Walkabout in action. Then things slowed down significantly and I got to actually get my bearings and fill in all the missing pieces slowly. I learned about the Student Board and the gala and began working on that. The March concert came and went, and I was able to have quite a bit to do with it because it wasn’t a huge production. Now something much larger is coming up, very much like February, but now I will really be a part of it and will be able to say that I significantly contributed instead of just getting caught up in the whirlwind. Now, if I were I nerd, I’d refer to whatever it’s called when a piece is written in the ABA form (ternary form) and call it my Walkabout… Oh I guess I just did... well, I guess the truth comes out.

More Thoughts on Sleep, Inspired by Justin Locke

2009-03-13T19:25:00.001-07:00

I've neglected to write any more about sleep since my initial post on the subject, but I was reading Justin Locke's blog just now and was reminded that I really ought to. The problem is a fundamental misunderstanding of the way the human body and mind works.

Justin Locke wrote about the mistake which is the eight-hour workday. He used the model of a symphony orchestra to demonstrate that in a creative, thought intensive, work environment, more than 25 hours a week just doesn't work. You cannot be creative without rest. You cannot give the same intensity into anything without rest. You cannot accomplish as much without rest. The long hours, the extra time, the deliriousness and the agony, it's all for nothing. It is harmful, not only to you, but to the work that you are doing.

That point cannot be driven in hard enough. It's so counter to the philosophy from which we craft every single day, that really believing and living by the lesson is near impossible. I say this from the perspective, once again, of a student. High school students are taught that on top of school, they must participate in extracurricular activities, give back to the community with community service, complete their homework, and sometimes even work a job on top of that. Then the teachers wonder why we're falling asleep at our desks. But there's nothing we can do about it. Worse, I am speaking for an affluent school district that performs beautifully on standardized tests, a model for the nation. So if someone from elsewhere in the nation, or someone nearby at a less privileged school district, is saying "that's not how things are at all," the heads and tails of it is that this is how the powers that be feel things are supposed to be. The students getting into the top tier universities are the ones who work themselves to death and scorn rest most harshly. I wonder, how long until they burn out?

But I go to two schools; that's how I'm interning at ProMusica Chamber Orchestra today. And I have recently come to appreciate the one aspect that used to make me doubt the program: a lacking of rigor. I never minded that the classes were innovative and unique, but I felt that students at the main campuses were pressed harder to do more homework. I felt they had to stress more over tests. I thought more material was covered. But now I wonder. I wonder, even if they covered more material, who will remember more of it years from now? I wonder, what good does it do to pass a test? I remember when another Walkabout student mentioned some time ago that she felt that we learn more outside of work than we do working. She marveled at how much time people put throwing themselves into work when most of life happens outside of that. I wonder, do our straight A Harvard bound students ever learn from anything outside of school? They dutifully fulfill the extracurricular activity requirement, but they're still surrounded by students and led by a coach or a teacher. And it's a duty, so it's still work. Along with sleep, our culture could stand to learn to play. But I digress.

One of the methods used by cults on new recruits to reel them in is sleep deprivation. People are herded into a summer camp like setting and kept active for long hours for little break. People don't question as much without sleep. Indoctrination is much easier in this setting. Just what are our schools anyway? We don't need to crank out cookie cutter factory workers anymore. What we need are independent, individual, creative minds. That's exactly what we lose when we deprive our children of sleep. It would be oh so easy to claim some malicious scheme of our education system of indoctrination and brainwashing, but I know too many teachers too intimately to believe any such thing. Nevertheless, that is the problem on its face: if you listen to anyone talk about the future of education, you will hear a call for high powered minds that think creatively. If we want that, we can't just stuff kids full of knowledge. That doesn't do the job. We need to let them think. And to do that, we have to let them sleep.

Parking Garages and Vouchers

2009-03-13T18:51:00.000-07:00

Julia wasn’t at ProMusica today but I was left a fair amount to do. However, before I got to start that, Ashley asked me to drive over to OSU to hang some signs for ProMusica’s next concert and put out some flyers. I have to say, it was a bit of an adventure. But as seems to happen with me, the task was not nearly so significant as the simple act of getting where I needed to be.

That said, OSU isn’t very hard to find. The difficulty was finding a place to park. Ashley told me where Weigel Hall, the music building, is and said that once I passed it there should be a parking garage or meters or something where I could park. All went well enough at first. I got to the parking garage, but didn’t notice until I had pushed the button to get my ticket that it was for keycard only—no visitors. So I had no choice but to back out a bit and turn around, which was kind of awkward but not the end of the madness.

I went around in a circle and then decided to turn on a random street in hopes of finding somewhere to park. I didn’t get very far until I hit a “do not enter” sign barring construction work. There had been nothing to mark this before it was too late (I checked as I left) so I found myself turning around in a way that must have been illegal (but I know there couldn’t be cars coming the other direction) although it certainly was an exemplary three point turn and had to decide what to do. I’d only driven a few feet when I saw a police officer. I decided that although I could well be questioned on how I’d gotten where I was, I figured that in asking piteously for directions I would come off as lost and confused enough as not to invite punishment. And, with his direction, I did find a garage for visitor parking. Hallelujah.

It’s ironic that I commented on my little vouchers as a sort of landmark yesterday because Julia wanted me to have everyone look over them before I made copies and Ashley completely rewrote them. Oh well. I don’t think I would have even minded if I hadn’t decided to make some significance out of them, but then it’s still a learning experience so I’ll take it. Still, I can’t say I wasn’t a bit disappointed. Then, I made packets for all the students who will be participating in the side-by-side performance on April 4th, sorted them by school, and sent them off to orchestra directors. This process was interrupted by Joe’s printing of 250 envelopes. Good God, I think it took two hours. Ashley was rereading my new and improved vouchers when he started so I didn’t get to print those until he finished.

Excitingly enough, King’s Island sent an email to Julia—they’re donating two tickets to the park to the student gala! But they aren’t due to arrive until May 1st, so I got to make vouchers for that. It was exciting though, because those parks are expensive so that was by far the heftiest donation so far. It made me quite happy.

Bad Reeds ARE The End of the World

2009-03-13T18:50:00.001-07:00

My day didn’t start off very well on Thursday. When I got to band class, I realized I had left all my good reeds at home. We were recording our district contest music and I had a solo in every single song. I managed to get through it ok, but not as well as I would have liked to and that’s the recording that the performance will be remembered by. But that would have been embarrassing on any occasion—I know that in high school band lots of people don’t bother to play on good reeds all the time but I’m trying to hold myself to something like the standards I’m expecting in years to come. And in college, episodes like that will be utterly unacceptable.

Then, at ProMusica, it was basically determined that I would have to call those places for which I could not find a name to contact yesterday. For a while, this caused in me a swell of something like panic. Not more soliciting phone calls! Not more silent auction requests! Julia asked me to burn a couple CDs at about this point in the day and I meant to call places while they were burning. I didn’t, but I began when they finished. It was funny, because overall I was fine once I did. (as before) but I was just as overwhelmed to begin with, if not more so, as I was on the first day Julia asked me to do basically the same thing.

I did finish printing letters for Ashley yesterday, and the last thing I did was help Julia make some vouchers for students participating in the side by side performance the night of the student gala. Basically, there has been this ticket challenge thing where students at high schools competed to sell the most ProMusica tickets and the top five schools get to send students to play with ProMusica at the April concert. The winning school was supposed to open the concert on their own, but the director opted out because it was a younger ensemble and he didn’t feel they were ready for that kind of experience. So they’re all getting recognized but they aren’t playing a piece alone. The point is, I was to make vouchers for them to attend the student gala for free.

It occurred to me when I was working on them that most of what I’ve done hasn’t really required much creativity or even just decision making at all. Most of what I’ve done has been putting information into a template. So it struck me that even though it wasn’t some huge important thing, this was probably one of the more significant tasks I’ve done lately because I was just told to make some vouchers that should take up about a third up of a page and ask for contact information. I know it wasn’t some huge deal and there wasn’t tons of room for error, but it was still kind of nice.

Patience is a Virtue

2009-03-11T20:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday wasn’t all that interesting. Julia had no voice and she brought her dog to work. If no one minds, I’d rather not post my attempt to stretch that information into a full length journal entry. (Oh and I talked about my fight with the printer. I think he’s cheating on me with the computers.) So I’ll just skip on to my lovely Wednesday.

Ashley was my mentor today, haha. Basically, she’s really swamped right now and Julia isn’t so except for a couple quick things, I was helping Ashley out today. I really like working with Ashley, for all that I was basically doing the really time consuming but easily explained (and therefore not all too challenging) work. First I stuffed a bunch of envelopes with invitations to Artist Circle and put postage on them. Then I went back to printing the letters from yesterday. The bonus to envelope stuffing today was that I was also given the list of invites to check off who was being sent an invitation and make sure no one was missed. It was kind of interesting because the list was broken up into the board of trustees and then donors to ProMusica, further broken up by the range of money donated. So while I of course couldn’t go listing off all the trustees, I could recognize names I might have heard in conversation. Also, many of the donors had a business listed with them so if I was paying attention I could notice what businesses sponsor ProMusica. (Incidentally, I went to the Columbus Symphony Youth Orchestra’s concert Sunday night and I was suddenly curious to read all the ads in the program just to see who’s supporting the symphony. I never would have done that before my Walkabout at ProMusica.)

Printing went slowly. My computer was moving at a particularly crawling pace, taking as long thirty seconds or so, at least, just to load the print menu. And I couldn’t just click print and send fifty copies to be printed. Every letter is, of course, personalized. Then, I also had to figure out to whom I should address about two thirds of the letters because most of the businesses on the asks list didn’t have a contact listed. The… internet… was… painful… to… use… I think I spend thirty minutes trying to navigate three pages of one website. As it happens, that was a pretty cool website. You learn some pretty cool, little known, history lessons if you visit Aspen Ski and Board’s website and find either the “about us” or “history” or something like that. Eventually, it occurred to me that I could switch to Yvette’s computer, but that was close to three o’clock. The frustrating part wasn’t so much that the computer was moving so slowly; on its own, I could tolerate that without a fuss. But Ashley asked me yesterday if I would be able to finish printing today and I thought I would. I didn’t at all. It kind of made me sad.

There was at least one moment today when I was just struck by how happy I was to be there. It wasn’t anything so much about what I was doing—I was sitting at the computer waiting for some website to load—but Ashley found a dead mouse at her house this morning and Joe was making fun of her… I don’t know it was just really hilarious and I realized how much I like all these people. In general, the staff is pretty awesome and in that regard I really like it here.

Dvorak and JAG

2009-03-11T20:31:00.000-07:00

When I arrived at ProMusica on Monday, waiting for me was the printout I’d made of the April open rehearsal program, only now it had some red ink on it. That’s cool though: after college comp I don’t think twice about red ink. One thing I had fun with, however, was the spelling of Dvorak’s name. You see, it’s all very well to spell Dvorak “Dvorak” most of the time, but in real life the “a” should have an accent and the “r” should have a little scoop thing over it. It’s not too hard to put an accent on an “a.” In fact knowing how is absolutely vital in higher level Spanish courses. But I had never seen the “r” symbol before. I thought this would be easy too. I’d just go to the “insert” dropdown menu and choose “symbol.” I’d look at the list of symbols and find the one I wanted. Unfortunately, the “r” I was looking for wasn’t a choice.

Now, I had actually gone through that mess the first time around when I made the program to begin with. Everywhere the program notes referred to Dvorak, they listed “Dvo_ák” instead. I wiki’d Dvorak to find out what the problem might be but decided to just use a normal “r” when wasn’t one of the symbol’s on the computer. I tried copy, pasting the special “r” from the wiki article but it came out as _. Julia told me to just use a normal “r.”

When I got the program back from Ashley, however, she inked a little scoop over all the r’s in Dvorak so I decided to try again because I was at a different computer, after all. I found the wikipedia not for Dvorak, but for the special r in his name and tried to copy, paste. With much tinkering and cajoling, I got this to work.

The most significant part of my day came afterwards when Julia and I went to Hilliard Davidson to check on some kids working on the Creative Hybrids composition project. But it turned out Julia and Judy Shafer (Jazz Arts Group’s education director also involved in Creative Hybrids) were not really needed so we decided to go to Panera and have a meeting.

My, that was interesting, although there are many details I do not completely understand. They talked about the Creative Hybrids project, but also a new (potential?) piece of legislation that would require schools to offer students credit for learning experiences outside the classroom. (hmmm, does that sound familiar?) OK, so admittedly I don’t really know what I’m referring to, but it was intriguing because of the way the idea is going over in other circles. It makes me realize how much Linworth affects the way I view education and I wonder how I would view something like that without having been a Linworth student… except if I weren’t a Linworth student I wouldn’t have been present for the conversation.

It seems that Judy was present at some meeting of a collection of art and music teachers. The visual art teachers, apparently, were particularly afraid that their jobs would be put in jeopardy because students wouldn’t go to art classes anymore. That wasn’t the part that surprised me though, not because I think it’s necessarily true (and if it is, the kids would probably be better off that way) but because I expect a certain number people to take a “how will this hurt me?” approach to any kind of change. This led into a discussion of youth orchestras and bands that some people fear take away from the public school band programs. I know to be in CYSB you are required to be a member of your school band if it has one, and Julia said that it had been the same when she did work for CSYO. Apparently, however, CSYO has changed the rules from “required” to “strongly encouraged” because of lawsuits. I’m not sure what I think of that though. I’m especially interested to see why the requirement is a legal problem, but oh well.

There was also, apparently, the logistical problem to be solved of how to deal with actually giving the credit. Specifically, Judy mentioned concerns over compensation for the teacher to whom a student would present a project. I collect that in the midst of a discussion of what a band director would do, and all that they already do, Judy suggested that it wouldn’t by necessity be a music teacher. Imagine if a student wanted to study with one of JAG’s musicians from [I forget what latin American country] to learn about culture and presented to a social studies teacher. The room, Judy said, got quiet for about thirty seconds and I guess it was the person leading the discussion who said, “I hadn’t thought of that” and started scribbling notes.

Wait… what?! Is it really just because I’m a Linworth student that I don’t think twice about that suggestion? It seems so natural to expect that everything’s related to everything else, and that’s especially true of the arts. I’d go so far as to say that the ability to connect the arts to science and math and social studies is absolutely vital to keeping them a part of the education system. It’s well for Worthington, but in many districts both locally and nationally, arts education is dwindling and disintegrating. There’s something disconcerting to the thought that no one but Judy Shafer in a gathering of art teachers would look at the arts as an extension of some other field. Well, at least there’s Judy Shafer.

Good, Good Concert

2009-03-11T20:28:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, I got to the Josephinum at about 12:30 to begin the day. I wasn’t perfectly sure where I was supposed to park and come in, only that I needed to drive around to the back, but I saw a door that I thought Julia and I had let Tim in through last month and I was right! It lead up into the chapel. I was a bit pleased with myself.

There wasn’t a whole lot to be done. As before, Julia and I are supposed to be present at rehearsals, but there’s really nothing—hopefully—for us to do. I listened to the first half of rehearsal. Second half, Julia and I went into a back room and watched an episode of the Colbert Report on her computer. When rehearsal was over there was still more down time until Joe, Ashley and Arianne arrived with programs. Even that didn’t create a whole lot to be done, until we realized that some of the programs we had stuffed were the January programs and not the Josephinum programs. That got taken care of though, so when people started coming life could run smoothly.

For this concert, the orchestra was in the back of the chapel where the organ is instead of in the front since the goal of the program was to show off the Josephinum’s new organ. What this meant was that we didn’t want patrons using the main doors in the front of the chapel to come in and instead intended to direct traffic towards a side door. The only problem with this plan was that the elevator only goes to the main doors, so anyone disabled or unable to use stairs had to be able to enter through the main doors. I got stationed there.

Let me tell you, at first I tried to turn people away. That is to say, there were people coming up the elevator who just hadn’t caught on that they were supposed to use the stairs and I sent a few back. But I couldn’t keep it up. I’m really glad a… police officer? Security guard? Offered to go downstairs and redirect people at the elevator because right before he asked I had resolved to stop arguing with people even if we didn’t want people going through that way. We also didn’t want angry patrons, and people are just frustrating sometimes.

I was reminded of this summer when I worked food and beverage at Zoombezi Bay. My little restaurant was right by the wave pool and got the most customers in the park—but that’s not what whoever set things up predicted before summer started. Surfside (my restaurant) wasn’t made to serve as many people as came up every day, and we always had obnoxious lines right around lunch. There were times I wanted to go running out into the line waving a hot spatula screaming furiously that there just weren’t any fries. Really though, the hard part was the looks people gave me when I couldn’t just magically produce the food they wanted instantaneously (we were supposed to run cafeteria style). And I got the same looks Saturday at the Josephinum.

The concert itself was great, though. This Elgar piece… absolutely lush and gorgeous sounds from the strings and organ. It was a really good concert.

Good Times at ProMusica

2009-03-07T06:45:00.001-08:00

Yesterday, as I predicted, was a pretty great day. In the morning, Ashley asked me to fold a pile of inserts to stuff programs with. There is a performance today after all. I have been getting a bit tired of this kind of work lately, but Katie came in today and once she started helping things went a lot faster. We finished about thirty minutes before Julia wanted to leave to load-in at the Josephinum, and she didn't have any assignments for us just then. Pretty much everyone else at the office had disappeared to somewhere (we saw Arianne and Ashley returning from a walk when we left) so they couldn't really ask us for anything either. It was kind of cool though, because I talked to Katie about college, auditions, and where I think I might go.

Talking to Katie about college was really interesting because she's from Cleveland and three of the schools I want to go to are from right around there. I guess she had thought for a long time that she definitely wanted to go to Baldwin-Wallace, but changed her mind quasi at the last minute and ended up at OSU. But, the reason for changing her mind (a problem with her tuba embouchure that her private teacher—with whom she would continue to take lessons if she were to attend B-W) doesn't apply to me at all, so she was really encouraging me to go there. I haven't heard back from them yet though, so I can't make the call yet. In the game of college admissions (which is some combination of poker and chicken) it's "their move."

Load-in at the Josephinum went swimmingly. Setting up chairs, stands, and stand lights is another task that goes much faster when several people are at it. James Yeager, who I think is in charge of music at the Josephinum and is who Julia works with to get the Josephinum series set up, let us in but then was practicing organ while we were setting up. It's really cool, I'm excited. Afterwards, Julia and I stopped at UDF to get milk shakes. We went to the one right by Linworth, and for a second I was confused as to why the school was dark and no one was there. Then I remembered there was no school today. Silly me.

After I took care of a few quick things, Ashley had me stuffing programs when I got back. Joe helped, and so did a board member who had come in to bring wine for ProMusica's wine raffle at their Gala in May (every board member brings in two bottles of wine and they raffle the collection off) and I think to talk to Janet. I talked to him about Linworth and Walkabout. That reminds me, I was called a good intern twice yesterday—not by Julia, but that's not the point. When we picked up stands at the Southern Theatre to take to the Josephinum, Greg (stage manager I think) talked to us for a while before we left. Julia said that I was leaving after the April concert and he was like, "why is it all the good ones leave us?" Yeah, I know it was a joke and all, but I was happy. Then, when I was talking to Marty (the board member) about Linworth, Joe was like, "yeah, this is one of our *good* interns." Yay!

When I finished with that, Julia was getting ready to leave for a school visit and didn't know what to give me to do for an hour and a half. Ashley asked me to find and read news articles about what' going on in the classical music world and make a little document of shot summaries and URLs for her to reference. That was probably the most rewarding assignment I had today. In any case, I enjoyed doing it, because it was interesting to me. I was looking for information about something that I also wanted to know about. I left late because I wasn't done reading.

Epic Win!

2009-03-07T06:04:00.001-08:00

Last night, both Worthington Kilbourne's Symphonic Band and Wind Ensemble got 1's at district contest. I don't know about Symphonic, but Wind got straight 1's. Is that epic, or is that epic? So, I must say I'm in a pretty good mood right now. Good job to everyone, way to pwn that music!

It was also my last performance with Wind Ensemble. I'll be playing with them until this Walkabout's over, but there aren't any concerts between now and then. Well, if I had to choose a way to go out, it would be with last night's concert. I had several solos, but they were mostly really duets. I think I like that better in real life. I mean, I love solos and it's exciting to be the center of attention, but it's more fun getting to share that feeling. I think it increases that special tension you get beforehand, because the two of you are kind of holding each other up, and it makes the success more exciting—because it's also shared.

I do wonder what band will be like now that I'm not working on music I'll be performing with them anymore. I know this was frustrating for the Walkabout students who have already left when they did it, but… well we'll see what happens. All I want to do is play.

Really Beautiful

2009-03-05T18:32:00.001-08:00

So if you're a musician, or if you're anyone really, but especially a musician, go read David Thomas's post at The Buzzing Reed now called "The Value of Music." It's a speech given by Karl Paulnack as a welcome to new freshmen at the Boston Convservatory. I might have cried, but I'm not telling. Just do it.

Auditions

2009-03-05T18:25:00.000-08:00

So here's the deal: today's walkabout journal was wimpy at best, but I've been meaning to write about auditions. I wrote previously about my first audition and haven’t said anything about them since. So now I will write a review of the experience as a whole so that you can experience it too! I know, auditions really aren’t anybody’s favorite thing to do so you would think living vicariously through me would be rather unpleasant in this situation. But I promise not to get too gruesome. ;)

So you know about my awesome experience at Butler. That Monday, I traipsed over to Bowling Green, and on Friday I went to Pittsburg to audition at Duquesne. Both at Duquesne and Bowling Green, only the oboe faculty listened to me. At BGSU that’s only one person and in many ways it felt like my least formal audition. For one thing, I didn’t go on an audition day, so there weren’t a hundred nervous high school seniors all around me. It was the only place I only had one person listening to me, too. After I played she gave me a suggestion or two, and we talked about Bowling Green while she readjusted my oboe. That last part was pretty awesome. At Duquesne, I met a girl named Kirby who auditioned right after me. I found out that not only would she audition at Baldwin-Wallace and Oberlin as well, but that we would be auditioning at both on the same day again. Sure enough, we met at both schools. I wonder if we’ll play together next year.

Over the course of the next month, I was excepted by the department or school of all three of those schools—within two days of each other, if I remember correctly. Each has offered me an academic scholarship and Butler has offered me a talent scholarship already. I’ll be interested to see if the other two send me any such awards. I get the impression that’s generally decided in March, so I guess I’d be hearing about that soon? I haven’t been so much as accepted into the colleges of Case or Baldwin-Wallace, and I didn’t even apply to Oberlin’s college: just the conservatory. So I know I won’t get an academic scholarship from Oberlin. I can’t say I’m expecting a talent scholarship from them either, but more on that in a minute.

On February 20 and 21, I auditioned at Case and Baldwin-Wallace respectively. Butler was the only place where I could sense the enthusiasm of my audience, although at Case I’m fairly certain I won over the band director. There, I was heard by the oboe professor, the orchestra director and the band director. At B-W, I was heard by the woodwind faculty, and at Oberlin I was heard by the oboe faculty. I met Case’s oboe teacher for the first time at my audition, which really isn’t a great time to do that. I’m not sure what my impression of her is; it’s too skewed by nerves. I’m not sure what her impression of me was either. That was another good thing about meeting the teachers before hand; you already know the kinds of things they think are important and in some cases they’ve even told you that they would like to have you as a student. That’s always really reassuring to think back on, let me tell you.

Oberlin. It’s an impressively competitive college, but it’s a ridiculously competitive conservatory. And Alex Klein, who teaches oboe there, is practically hailed as a god by some oboists. Over at Obohemia, they almost hyperventilated from excitement when Alex Klein agreed to do a master class at Laurier. So I just waltzed into Oberlin and played for Alex Klein and Robert Walters. (OK, I didn’t exactly “waltz in,” there was a $100 application fee, along with a pretty hard core application. PS, Robert Walters isn’t exactly a name to be sneezed at either. He plays English horn for the Cleveland Orchestra, after all.)

For a while now, I’ve been reading blogs that tend to be dismissive of conservatories like Oberlin, complaining about this that and the other that’s approached wrong, and at once I’ve gained enough awe of the place to add up to the feeling that I probably would not get in, certainly wouldn’t get a penny from them (in scholarships), and would possibly be better off anyway. On Friday night before my audition, I met some of their studio and heard an oboist’s junior recital. It opened some door in my mind: “wouldn’t it be f***ing awesome to go here?” I really believe that feeling now, more than I did when I applied or even when I visited at first.

And I have to say, my audition went really well. For all that I had gotten in touch with a real desire to get in, I didn’t approach it the same as the other auditions. I was just excited to be there really, and excited to be playing for the people who were listening to me. I already had some acceptance letters to back me up and remind me of my worth, and I went at the ordeal with no purpose but to make music. That’s what it’s really about, you know? So who knows, I may yet get an acceptance letter from Oberlin. Cross your fingers for me?

I Know The Staff

2009-03-05T18:21:00.001-08:00

This [Wednesday] was the second time hot chocolate changed the course of my Wednesday. Thank God for chocolate. Otherwise, life without band would drive me to insane, and I’d really rather walk. It’s better for the environment, you see. Already the morning has become something of a blur. Seems like I did a few wrap up things for yesterday’s meeting.

I’ve been thinking about my relationships with people in the office besides Julia. For a long time, I basically just went to her for everything whether that made sense or not. For example, at the beginning of February, ProMusica hadn’t gotten our parking passes for the month. (Remember? I think I wrote about that) I always went to Julia on the subject of parking, even though it was Joe who would have either had a pass for me or access to some cash to give me to feed the box. I remember feeling particular awkwardness towards Joe for some reason, no idea why. I think maybe that would have been the case regardless of who worked at the front desk or something. In any case, on Monday I just asked Joe for a parking pass. I mentioned being teased yesterday for breaking the printer (I swear I didn’t! J ) and some similar silliness ensued when he left me in the office alone for a few minutes today. (I know Julia was on a school visit, not sure about everyone else.)

Then there’s Ashley, for whom I’ve now done some work, and she’s just really friendly and funny. Any digressions in staff meetings are probably her fault. She’s done a lot to make me feel comfortable here, though really. And I just found out today that she and Arianne just started working at ProMusica in November. I guess I had sort of known they were new—at my first staff meeting one of the things they talked about was how to make their voicemail boxes say their names—but until today I hadn’t really known by how much. For all I could tell, Julia and Ashley might have known each other forever. I have heard the names of a few other marketing directors, in fact there was this one time when someone asked for Madeline—apparently Ashley’s predecessor—and the call got transferred to me. I don’t think I wrote about it at the time. It was confusing for a minute.

I still don’t really feel like I know Arianne and Janet particularly. Yvette only comes in once a week or so, and I’ve barely said two words to her. Tom (I’ve only mentioned him once and by the wrong name. He is the librarian and contractor for the musicians, I’m pretty sure) comes in now and again and we always see each other then because I’m using his computer. Arianne seems like an incredibly nice person. I know that’s about the vaguest personality word ever, but it fits. She’s always smiling, and she always greets me and everything, but she isn’t as bubbly as Ashley is. There was one day that she brought yellow roses for everyone in the office. It made me happy. Janet would be intimidating, being the executive director, except that she just isn’t. That doesn’t mean that she is whatever the opposite of intimidating would be, but she’s the kind of person who can put you at ease. I guess that’s a good quality for someone in her position, you know? So that’s about everyone, at least the ones who are around regularly. There’s Tim too, (music director) but since he lives in Arizona it’s not as if I ever see him. I will on Friday though. As I recall, the operations meeting last month was the first thing that made me really happy about this walkabout, so I’m really looking forward to the one on Friday.

Ode to PMCO's Copy Machine

2009-03-05T18:14:00.000-08:00

Today [Tuesday] was the day of the Student Advisory Board meeting, so that’s what I spent most of the day preparing for. I made sure I had a spreadsheet of all the contacts people had made asking for money, including my own and I basically figured out the value of the donations and thought about what I’d say. I also cleaned up all the extra versions of the same original spreadsheet of contacts I made that have been floating around the system for a while. I don’t know how that happened but it has been confusing trying to figure out what is up to date. But the extra ones are all deleted now, I think. I also printed out posters a SAB-er made for the gala to advertise, as well as a bunch of flyers. Tickets go on sale tonight, and now we get to promote it. I’m going to take a couple posters to Linworth at seminar tomorrow night, I guess.

So I suppose that it’s time for the long overdue “copy machine rant.” Not that I’ve really had anything to rant about before now, and not that this necessarily add up to much either, but I recall when I came in for my interview at ProMusica Jen mentioned that most students end up writing, among other things, a journal dedicated to the copy machine. I thought of that today when we were playing with it. So, I hereby dedicate this blog post to ProMusica’s copy machine/printer (It’s two in one!). No Joe (ticketing), I did not break it (as you accused).

Printing off all the flyers and posters was indeed a bit of a feat. I started with the flyers. The flyers were meant to be half a page, but we couldn’t make two print on one page through the computer. Instead, I had to copy two together in the copy machine to make them print on one page. I did this sideways the first time, and then I had trouble making it scan again. I wasted some paper. Then, after printing twenty of them, I looked at the notes I had taken and realized that not only did I want ten more, but I was supposed to have printed them on colored paper.
The shelf from which I would acquire colored paper is a bit of a mess. When I’ve been told to find anything from it before, I often spend a long to trying to find it, pick up the wrong thing anyway, and discover that what I was looking for was in fact right in front of me. So I needed to find 8 ½ x 11 pretty colored paper. It didn’t matter what color. I eventually chose yellow. It was thick cardstock, but I didn’t know whether there were any other choices, so I loaded it into the copy machine and told it to print 15 copies.

Well I guess I didn’t close the tray all the way, because the copier decided to print the flyers from the second tray instead—letterhead. So I wasted some more paper. I got the paper load properly and started again. I think that’s when Joe accused me of making a mess and breaking the printer. I was quite sure I had not yet succeeded in the latter, however. Indeed, I managed to print fifteen copies of the flyers on yellow paper. When I checked the tray though, I didn’t think there was enough paper for the other fifteen, so I went to get more yellow paper. I realized, when I got back, that even though I had found the same color, this was normal paper, not cardstock. I decided I didn’t care. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to be using and was pretty sure I wouldn’t find the cardstock again. So I shoved more paper in the tray and printed the rest of the fliers.

The real fun, however, came when I wanted to print the poster. I could not find the right size of paper. Sure enough, when I decided on the one large loose leaf of paper that I saw to show Julia, it was the wrong size. There were, it turned out, maybe four sheets of 11 x 17 sheets of paper on the shelf. (That’s what I was looking for.) The rest were in the room I’ve been working in, in the filing cabinet right by my desk… not that I’d have any reason to know that, and Julia hadn’t thought of it until I asked. I decided to just ask Julia to figure out how to make the computer print the posters. I saw, when I asked it to print, that it was trying to format the picture as if it would print on normal paper, but that’s not what we wanted. Julia played with that for a while, and then decided to do it from her computer when it didn’t print right. We had to try that a few times too, but we finally got it and they’re really very cool. So that’s my fun printer story. I’m sure it was very exciting. It’s funny though, I noticed on Sunday when I was subbing as a teacher aid at my synagogue, that ProMusica has a nicer copy machine. What’s more, if I had wanted to do anything besides just make a regular copy, like if I’d wanted to copy several pages or make something front and back, I wouldn’t have known how—but I would at ProMusica! Not that it mattered; I just needed fifteen copies of one coloring sheet so I was set. Still, it actually kind of bothered me because I was fairly certain that those commands did exist on Beth Tikvah’s copier, I just didn’t know how to find them.

Things Are Looking Up

2009-03-05T18:12:00.000-08:00

Yesterday [Monday] was a pretty good day. I found it funny; in seminar we were discussing grunt work and after I talked, Liz said that she knew sometimes at non-profits they do a mailing and have an envelope stuffing day. Even though I could completely envision it, it had never exactly happened… until yesterday. I think actually this will take up more than one day, but we only spent maybe two hours on it yesterday (as opposed to the entire day). Joe needed to finish preparing the second batch. So, after stuffing envelopes, I got to un-stuff programs. We used the same little envelopes to mail back donations to stuff the programs as we put in the mailings, so I was given a box of old programs that hadn’t gotten distributed and took all the little envelopes out. I’m not sure how long that took.

It’s funny, and I observed this before when stuffing programs, but I really didn’t mind the work at all and even kind of enjoyed it. The big pile of tedious work shouldn’t have looked any different from the one giant spreadsheet of contacts I had to compile for Julia, but when I did that I had to fight back a feeling of futility, a feeling that I would never, ever finish. I think this was just as monotonous and time consuming, but somehow it didn’t feel that way. I don’t really know why.

There was a staff meeting today, and I realized that I was really looking forward to it. I think this is the first time I actually legitimately took good notes too. Previously, I was never really sure what to write and grew self-conscious about it, but I guess I’ve gotten a better feel of what actually applies to me and what I’ll probably be involved with later. Things disintegrated into strangeness at the end. Janet warned Ashley that she would corrupt me, which was funny. I thought of a few years ago when I first began to spend time in the back hallway and the kinds of conversation inspired by Liam, Sean and Alisha. Stranger things have reached my ears. It’s funny, for a while conversation had become almost pristine, revolving almost always around school and band. The last couple times I’ve wandered back there, however, the freshmen were not discussing such wholesome topics. I was kind of amused, to be honest. Things cycle back around, I guess.

Yesterday, I used Facebook at ProMusica—but for a noble purpose! Julia had me upload some pictures to the computer, and then she asked be to post a few in the Creative Hybrids group on Facebook. I did almost feel bad though, because the super slow computer I use most of the time just couldn’t deal with Facebook. (It’s moments like these that make me wish they had never changed their layout—it didn’t use to take up so much computer space) So I had to used Yvette’s computer, which is newer and faster, but it’s also a PC and thus (apparently) more likely to get messed up by cookies. When I started to type in the URL though, I saw that it had already been accessed on that computer so I didn’t feel as bad anymore. There’s no way the mac could have gotten those pictures uploaded. It would have just frozen or given up or something.

Pretend Last Week Didn't Happen

2009-03-05T18:10:00.000-08:00

If you do, then my blog will soon be up to date. :)

Getting Away (Thursday’s Journal)

2009-02-24T06:04:00.001-08:00

All the work I did at ProMusica today was very tedious. I compiled five or so spreadsheets of contacts and finished Ashley's restaurant list. There were a little over 200 people on the final master spreadsheet. Yesterday, I had pasted all but one of the original spreadsheets into a new, complete one, so I got to find and delete duplicates today. Early on, I looked at the number at the bottom where the last name was. I think it was close to 280. I was kind of overwhelmed for a moment. It was going to be a lot to sort through. It was a lot to sort through.

Julia is taking next week off, so I will probably end up exploring what other people around here do some. Either that, or I'll waste a lot of time. Still, my evil plan—it's been approved actually—is to come to school on Wednesday to promote both ProMusica's next concert and the open SAB meeting on the 3^rd. I'm choosing Wednesday because it's town meeting, but I have some other reasons too. Perhaps most significant, because I won't be able to drive to school regardless and will have to get up early enough to catch a bus, I may as well do this the day I had to get up early anyway. Wednesday is also the only day I wouldn't go to band… and now I can. Plus, the choir accompanist-type-person (not sure exactly how to explain this) comes in M-W-F and his being there pretty much guarantees a real rehearsal.

As I ponder this I realize that even though, or rather because, my plan for Wednesday is a diabolical plot to further my own purposes—not that I won't further ProMusica's either—I find the whole thing kind of uncomfortable. There's a bittersweet feeling to walking into Linworth anymore, because I feel as if I should really be somewhere else. It's strange—I don't feel this way at Kilbourne so much. I guess it's because at Linworth, the people around me think I should be somewhere else. Not that I ever hear "what are you doing here?!" except when someone is pleased to see me, but in band, most people don't even realize I have any reason to be elsewhere. Well, I guess they do since I'm missing so often. I hear that the directors fairly regularly have "oh no, we can't rehearse this without the oboe part" moments. Still, that maintains the expectation that I should be around most of the time.

Then again, my attitude toward band has also changed. I don't think this was an abrupt occurrence that began at walkabout, but something that has been haunting me for a while. There's just a growing cynicism that is getting harder and harder to fight off. I guess what it comes down to is that I don't actually feel comfortable at WK either, but the pressure to be elsewhere is more subtle, and manifests itself obliquely. This is why I need to leave: I don't really belong here anymore. I can blend in just fine, but I don't quite fit. It's tempting, oh so tempting, to find ways to appear in familiar places, but the experience only seems positive on the surface. There's something not quite right just below.

Blogger Comment Problems

2009-02-21T18:42:00.000-08:00

I've been having some problems with comments on blogger lately and today I even had issues on my own blog. :( If you can comment, please do. (I'd also love to know who is reading this. =D) If you've had problems in the past say so too, although I don't know what to do about it. Umm, so if you have suggestions for me, assuming you can comment at all, that'd be cool too.

As I Surrender Unto Sleep

2009-02-21T18:40:00.001-08:00

Before I post up my Thursday journal or even start to contemplate writing about the two auditions I just finished today and yesterday, I would like to talk about sleep. Utne Reader did an article about sleep loss recently that I read in the hotel last night, and I realized that I have a fair bit to say on this topic. In fact, I've started to plan a whole cycle of blogs on the issue. So let's talk about sleep.

"The evening hangs beneath the moon/a silver thread on darkened dune…"/with crossing eyes and nodding head/I fear that sleep will take me soon.

What is it that makes modern American culture so badly disposed to rest? As a teen, I must speak specifically to and of teens, but Utne's article made me realize the problem is more widespread. We live in a mechanized world where everything can go and go and go nonstop, so guilt seizes us when we take a break or slip into daydream. We cheat ourselves of sleep, trying to get still more work done when our bodies scream at us to stop. Instead of listening, we fill ourselved with caffeine, take shots of ginseng, and eventually catch Z's at completely inappropriate times because at last we cannot stay awake any longer.

It's sad, I know people who boast of their sleep deprivation—I have been among them. Indeed, I find that one of the easiest ways to find common sympathy with someone I've never met is to comment on how tired I am. We can complain together for a considerable length of time and in fact may be able to think of little else. But students take on all kinds of activities, work jobs, and then try to do homework on top of it. Then there's that pesky part where we actually have to get to school. Generally accepted among high-caliber students is the simple fact that sleep is simply secondary to everything else we must do. Somewhere along the line, priorities have been misplaced and confused and this rather terrifying phenomenon is enforced by THE SYSTEM. Anyone who regularly goes to bed before 11:00 is probably a filthy slacker. Sure enough, no one maintains that kind of sleep schedule and succeeds in the full course load of AP and enriched classes that make up the religion of a certain brand of student, a religion to which I have never fully been able to give up myself.

This attitude does not mean that we have not been told many a time how much sleep we "should" get, but we only smirk disdainfully at these numbers. How do you expect, Mrs. Useless Health Teacher, us to find the time to do that? What a notion! And truly, to point your finger and say, "you aren't getting enough sleep!" is utterly pointless: we know! You may as well tell the woman who has had a tracheotomy that it's not healthy to smoke through the hole in her neck. Oh sure, identifying the problem is the first step to solving it, but much more telling than any scientific studies are the very real symptoms we fight off every day.

Then again, I don't think students really appreciate the harm we're doing to ourselves. I'd like to point out a couple tidbits, one from the Utne article and another from a psychiatrist who spoke to my health class about drugs. The psychiatrist explained at one point that sleep is when information is moved from short-term to long-term memory. For me, that was a powerful piece of news. Who would have thought that sleeping might actually do just as much good, if not more, than studying? Think about it—a friend of mine notorious for working herself past human limits continually trumpets her inability to memorize information. Your short-term memory can only hold so much information. If you want something to stay learned, you're going to have to sleep.

The second point didn't actually particularly surprise me—I've long wondered if that weren't partially true—although I should say as a disclaimer that it's still in the "scientists think" stage as opposed to "scientists have found" or "scientists now know." But it turns out that depression may be a symptom of sleep deprivation instead of depression causing sleep loss. The implications of this are striking. After all, depression is a huge problem in teens right now, without guarantee of successful treatment and a deadly streak. As a society, we can't take that information too seriously. It is a sign that the entire attitude of our culture towards sleep and rest needs a giant shift.

Call Me a Liar

2009-02-18T20:11:00.001-08:00

Justin Locke's post yesterday about music education yesterday had me doing some thinking, because in some ways, I strongly agree, but on the other hand I disagree. So torn am I, that I am writing a blog and not a comment. What's more, I've been meaning to maybe interact with the larger internet more on this blog but haven't really until now. So are you ready? Let's go!

The Inherent Value of the Arts

Let me start at the end, for this is where I am in agreement. When all is said and done, I know that the real reason to support the arts, whether I'm referring to education or to organizations, or anything at all, the real reason I am doing so is for that art for its own sake. This point is all the more important because I also feel that this kind of defense of the arts, particularly in education, gets neglected. It's as if we think either that no one else sees the value of beauty, or that we assume that it doesn't need to be pointed out. Maybe the problem is simply trying to articulate this power of art without just demonstrating it. I don't know, but I think this is something that cannot be under-emphasized. I also suspect that this is the real reason why arts education advocates do what they do. And this is where I disagree with Justin Locke, for all that the arguments used may sometimes be hollow, I really don't think it's all about making a buck. Yes, it's a business, but that doesn't mean advocacy for arts education is driven by money. I could be naïve, but I don't think so. (Well, I wouldn't, would I?) The problem, I feel, is much more likely to relate to ignorance than sleeziness in the majority of cases.

Connection to Academics

If I really wanted to make a valid point here, I would actually visit the link to the OSU study Justin referenced. Instead, I will argue with my own private experience, which is of course very subjective and easily dismissed as meaningless. I would like to say, however, that researching with identical twins is not the only way to find the kinds of trends like "arts education increases academic achievement." You just need a large sampling of diverse people. Also, the phrase is "arts education," not "arts exposure." One might put the word "formal" in brackets, because we can easily infer that anyone making this argument is saying that sitting down with a teacher and being instructed about arts in this way or that, either in creation or appreciation, is what apparently increases academic achievement. That sounds like a very stiff and snobby way of looking at how one should approach the arts, but I'm not trying to say what "arts education" should or shouldn't be. All I'm saying is that completely cutting off a child from anything artistic or creative would be much more extreme than any case study on this subject would call for.

I also dislike the example face-off of American-Idol finalists and super-geeks. I could go back to my definition of "arts education" and question the choice challengers on the "arts" side, but more important and to the point, I would double-check how likely it is that the super-geeks wouldn't belong on that side also. My best geek friend happens to play violin. Coincidence? Could be. I also observed last year that all the seniors in my music theory class made either commended scholar or semi-finalist on the PSAT/NMSQT competition. That's still a pretty small pool, but I tend to trust the implications.

Blurring the Lines and Bending the Rules

I mentioned music theory. Is that art or academic? Is English an art class? Clearly literature is art, but no one needs to debate whether or not reading is an "academic" subject. One of my classes got into a discussion this year in what exactly the difference is between art and science. Art, which we think of as synthesis, require analysis. Science, which we think of as analysis, requires and leads to synthesis. Science turns into art, art leads to science. They are intertwined.

Of course, I am now stretching the boundaries of both art and science in the field of academia. Perhaps that's a good thing though. Education could stand to open de-compartmentalize a bit. In the end, everything is connected to everything else. And that is the inherent value of art: it is a piece of the greater whole of culture and technology.

Froggies Rock, Just So's You Know

2009-02-18T19:34:00.000-08:00

I started the day cursing Wednesdays; the day I have to leave extra early and don’t even get to go to band. Because I go downtown with my dad, I get to the office a good fifteen minutes before I officially say I will, and Julia doesn’t arrive until later than that. Today when I went up to the office no one was there yet so I decided to go downstairs to the little café on the first floor and wait.

My day turned around when I bought myself hot chocolate. I’m going to stop complaining about Wednesdays. Simple things make all the difference I guess. When Arianne got there and opened the office I still didn’t really have much to do yet, but I worked some on Ashley’s restaurant list.
Most of my day was spent on the SAB silent auction, but on research. Fun research. When Katie and I originally compiled the list, it was kind of uncertain whether we were talking about a raffle or silent auction or door prizes, or what. Linworth’s rubber ducks at the international dinner came to mind (aren’t these some kind of tradition? I’d love to know how that came along.) and I suggested we come up with something “silly/cute/random/creative/cheap.” (I believe that’s how it got listed on the bottom of the spreadsheet under “vague, unspecific ideas) So I got to try to come up with something. I spent most of this time browsing orientaltrader.com, which has a fun selection but some eighty-seven things per page and, once again, I was shored up by slow computers. Yvette came in today, so I couldn’t steal the “good” computer either. I eventually came up with a few things, and Julia was really enthusiastic about these light-up squishy frogs. Apparently, there’s a history of frog-related… stuff… at ProMusica because of some musician, so the frogs were fitting as well as being cute and kind of cool. (I mean, they light up!) Julia thought that we should get three dozen, (Oriental Traders sells pretty much everything in dozens and for cheaps) have all the musicians sign one, and raffle them off. Problem was, Oriental Traders has ratings and reviews of their products on their website, and the “quality” rating for the light-up frogs was really low. I read some customer reviews and they said that only about half the frogs actually lit up. So I browsed the website again, this time on Julia’s laptop, searching for frogs. We decided to get these squirt frogs. They aren’t as cute as the light-up frogs, but they were cheaper—Julia’s just going to buy them—and had good customer ratings.

The only other thing I put much time into was “pencil research.” A few SAB members, Julia, and Ashley had a meeting last night about marketing the student gala. One of the suggestions made in regards to marketing at the SAB meeting two weeks ago was that we have pencils printed for the gala to advertise it. Apparently this came up last night and Ashley said it was a waste of time to look into. Julia disagreed, and I’m thinking it could actually be a really cool idea now. Music students have this way of showing up to class without a pencil, and music directors, in turn, tend to become very frustrated by this tendency. You see, if a change in the music, or a correction of style, is going to stay fixed, students really need to mark this in the music. WK’s wind ensemble has been blown up at a few times over this issue. So imagine, we give orchestra directors 100 pencils that they can give to their students to use in class to make the music better. The pencils advertise our student gala and bored cellists read them while the director is rehearsing a section with the violins. I think it’s a good idea. So, I explored the internet to see how much this would be likely to actually cost, going over Ashley’s head. I think that little amusing detail made the internet explorations all the more fun.

As far as “sit in front of a computer all day” days go, today was probably my favorite. Obviously, I’m happy not to have to make phone calls, although I did make a couple, but I was also happier than when I was compiling spreadsheets or whatever else I’ve done. It was just kind of amusing looking at all the toys and things I could buy online, and different from what I had been doing before. Tomorrow there will be more spreadsheets. The last thing I did was start compiling several lists of contacts into one for a mailing list for the student gala. I have a feeling that’s going to take a while.

Computers are SLOW

2009-02-18T19:32:00.001-08:00

Monday nothing all too exciting happened, so I hereby reserve the right to skip on to Tuesday. (Yeah, Monday is what the "this is the purpose of journaling" bs was about. I'll write about what exactly I reflected on later maybes, but I want to sort some things out first. (: I'm holding you in suspense!)

Anyway, I've done some thinking about what I said about computers and internet before, and it hasn't remotely been a problem since then. I still sit in front of a computer the whole day, but I haven't tried to use them for things other than work. I haven't even really thought about it. Yes, at home I still can't get anything done until I've gone through a certain routine, but that's home and it's different I guess. I imagine that I have free time at home. Is that true? Well, I could stand to go to bed earlier.

I think just writing all that out helped straighten things out in my mind or something. The problem was not that I had nothing to do (I'm good at finding things to do) but that I didn't want to do what I was doing combined with the fact that I felt like what I was doing shouldn't have taken nearly so much time. Surely, somehow, time was being wasted.

Today Ashley (marketing) needed help researching contacts for a list of restaurants and she told me to go find and watch a video by Artzine at WOSU on ProMusica's work with Peter Shickelie and CCAD on this performance of a piece based off James Thurber's dogs and CCAD's animation of the drawings to fit the music. The point was to have me take a break because she realized that I'd been spending so much time doing that kind of work and felt bad. But I realized something. I have not yet thoroughly appreciated the true slowness of ProMusica's computers. This was a four minute video. I opened it and could at first only view 5 seconds and had to wait for the rest to load. So I worked on the restaurant contacts. I accidentally closed the window with the video and decided to let it load and use a different computer because to that point everything had been crawling.

Thirty minutes later, I came back and the video still had twenty, maybe thirty seconds left to load. I decided it would probably be done by the time I got to that part of the video if I started to play it. I got through everything but the last ten seconds. The computer still wasn't done.

So I am blessed with patience in that I don't mind waiting for computers to crawl along. But that is what was taking so much time when I was finding contacts and making calls. I found that it took me about the same amount of time to get through the contacts without calling as it had when I was making calls. It's just that before when that seemed outrageous I blamed it on myself somehow procrastinating and avoiding the task. Not to say I didn't at all—many of these restaurants had irritatingly flashy websites and probably took longer to load than many others I've been to lately. But in general, the problem was that I was on edge and was finding things to scare myself with.

A new problem I've observed is that there are snacky things lying around the office that I have been invited to help myself to if I wish. Well, this is another great way to avoid doing something for at least a couple seconds… except not really. The reasons why that could get problematic should be fairly obvious. Then there's just the part where if you walk by a box of cookies, and they're there and you can take one… it's very inviting. I'm pretty sure I have enough will-power to deal with this one though.

This is Fo' Realz!

2009-02-18T19:26:00.000-08:00

On Friday, Katie and I basically finished up with finding and making contacts for the student gala silent auction. That was really refreshing. Cassie (Julia’s former intern and SAB chair) came in and she was really relieved to see all the work that we had done. (Mostly me!) Technically, other SAB-ers are supposed to have been contacting businesses to sponsor the gala or make silent auction donations. Thing is, there’s no guarantee that this will actually happen. It could yet, and I won’t speak ill of anyone. But so far as we know, no one else has yet. I think this was the first time I truly felt good about what I had been doing. It put new determination in me to actually finish making calls.

Saturday, I went around picking up a few items for the silent auction from businesses. That was an adventure because I did actually manage to get lost. This was the weekend of learning to drive independently. For all that I’ve had my license for over a year, I haven’t really used it for more than minor things like going to music lessons. I really don’t know my way around once you leave a… very small radius of my house. Not sure what that would be exactly. So on Friday I drove home by myself and learned that even though Worthington is North of downtown (I was so pleased with myself for not getting on 71 south even though it looked like where I thought I should get on the highway), 70 is South of where I was, so if I wanted to take 71 to 70 to 315, I wanted to get on 71 South. Figured, I always thought my weakness was landmarks even though I have a good instinct for orientation, but in this case I would have been golden had I trusted my landmark recognition and ignored the knowledge that I was “going the wrong way.”

Then, on Saturday, when I wanted to go to Polaris (among other places) my dad told my to take High St to Powel Road (my mom later couldn’t understand why he hadn’t told me to take the highway). Powel Road wasn’t really marked so I drove past it, tried to turn around and ended up on Powel Road going West (wrong direction) with nowhere (nowhere!) to turn around. So I never got to Polaris. I’m not sure when I will. I felt pretty proud of myself picking up the silent auction items though. It made the phone calls feel real and purposeful, and it was just cool to see plans that actually affect real life carry themselves out. Overall, I was rather pleased.

OSU and Nostalgia

2009-02-18T19:23:00.000-08:00

I feel guilty about not blogging too often. You would think that with writing journals everyday, this would be super easy, but I have to think about what I want freely displayed on the internet. There are stories about people at ProMusica (not necessarily bad stories but still I don’t want to invade people’s privacy or anything) that are better off left at ProMusica, and there are thoughts too raw to publish for the world just yet. By that I mean, at this point I have rediscovered the true art of journal writing which I haven’t really made use of since middle school. In all academic writing the purpose is to make a point. But the purpose of writing a journal is to find one. If you were to read the journals that I used to keep semi-regularly when I was younger, which you won’t, you would see that my thoughts jump around but then combine together in the process of writing. In an academic paper, you’re supposed to have finished making these connections and what have you by the time you start writing. You begin with a goal in mind. With walkabout journals, the goal is to just write until the page fills up. This can yield interesting results, and my inner perfectionist isn’t ready to just copy+paste them into a blog. What do you mean I do the same thing when I write a blog? Lies!

So I may as well start with Thursday. I didn’t write a journal on Thursday because I didn’t go to Walkabout; I played with the band at OSU and went home. Well, that was the plan. I actually played with the band at OSU, went to choir (well, hung out with Jesse in a practice room) and went to Prospice and then went home. It’s a good thing the OSU concert was informal, because we weren’t really ready for a real performance. I think overall we played decently though. What’s more, I really enjoyed the experience. I realized that if I could just go to band everyday and that were it, I would be perfectly happy. I guess that makes my intended major in performance sound like a good choice. One would expect that to lift my spirits more than it does. I guess I wish I would suddenly come to some other conclusion, something that I could be more confident about. I need to find more confidence somewhere if I’m to go through with this performance thing. Things can still change though: either my goals or my disposition to them, or both.

I was disappointed that the choir didn’t actually do any work. Mr. Griffin hadn’t managed to sleep much the night before and realized early in the day that he was in no disposition to teach. I still got to say hello and everything. Plus, I was happy to spend time with Jesse. I did some thinking when we were in the practice room. Jesse was playing songs she had written on the piano. I’ve barely done any “composing” (hahaha, I’ve done no composing—I’ve done musical doodling) ever, but through formal piano training I was able to show off my awesome arsenal of piano repertoire. Jesse has taken a few piano lessons here and there, but she’s done a lot more musical doodling. The songs mostly aren’t overly complicated, although she’s tried using more interesting progressions lately. The problem is, she hasn’t finished these songs. But even though I can say “oh! Tritone substitution!” Even though I can recognize patterns, I really don’t feel confident trying to make stuff up myself. I think that’s kind of too bad. I’d like to mess around with that some when “free time” happens.

My Name is Miriam, and I am an Internet Addict

2009-02-11T20:23:00.001-08:00

Today, I essentially spent the entire day making calls for the SAB gala. There wasn't really anything else I needed to do, and there were plenty of calls to make. I still find it hard to explain, comprehend, or admit how very much I detest having to do this and how very slowly it goes. I can't believe I spent the whole day doing this, I think I counted maybe twelve calls from my spreadsheet at the end. I don't understand how I managed to break that up over so many hours essentially not doing anything else. I think I'm also really self-conscious about the time I spend in general because I don't want it to seem like I'm ever sitting around doing nothing or wasting time or in fact doing something I'm not supposed to be doing.

The last is a fear that derives from another fear: that I will start to abuse the presence of a computer right in front of me for hours at a time with no one watching over my shoulder. You would think, being the good responsible person that I am that this wouldn't be an issue. And, I certainly intend for it not to become one. But especially through college comp, I have developed a habit of compulsively checking blogs and Facebook and webcomics in an effort to "break up a task" or more honestly, to avoid it. After that, it became something I just expected to do as soon as I'd gotten on the computer. For example, tonight I was on the computer for a full hour before I started to write this journal. I complain about not getting enough sleep, and then I get home from CYSB to not just write my journal and move on, but to dawdle about on Facebook, to check blogs, to look at visitor stats on my own [lame excuse for a] blog. The point is, all wisdom says that I should have just written this journal and gone to bed. Even better, I could have practiced piano first, which I haven't done nearly enough in general the past two weeks. This concerns me. I have never accessed Facebook from ProMusica, but I can because the SAB often works through it. I am worried that it will too quickly become a habit and I'll get myself into some problems.

Seriously though, can one be addicted to the internet? I remember when this guy from AA came to talk to my summer health class and I believe he said that an alcoholic "drinks to get drunk." I remember because he commented that he hadn't understood that definition to begin with because he didn't understand that this wasn't the case for everyone—that getting drunk was not the only purpose to which alcohol could be consumed. So what is the parallel for the internet? I think there really is a numbing effect, a calming effect to staring at a screen. There is something then addictive to constantly checking for updates. Do I make excuses for myself? No, I haven't done anything wrong yet. But I think the fact that I even think that I would—that I think just going to Facebook once would lead to a downward spiral—is kind of telling. Could be that I worry too much too. That one shouldn't be discounted either.

But I did make use of ProMusica's slow internet connection to prolong the time between phone calls. I would decide that there was something I should check first and have to load several internet pages at a crawling pace. Then I would think, I wonder if Julia has sent me an email asking me to do something else? (Doubly wishful thinking and procrastination!) This never managed to be the case. Katie apparently came in for five minutes or so but I didn't even see her. I think we're finishing up these phone calls on Thursday except for the one person who told me to call on Monday. Except that's not really true, because there were a few places I made excuses not to call and then there's a list of ideas of things to acquire that don't necessarily have a specific company or store attached to them and those will eventually become more phone calls too. I really, really, really just want to be done with this. I'm not going to my placement tomorrow and I'm surprised to realize what a relief that is for me. I really hate to get too negative, and I expect that anything that rubs me the wrong way is all the better of an experience, but I'm still just as glad to get a day off. Now, if only I could sleep in too…

Monday Blues

2009-02-09T20:03:00.001-08:00

Do you want to hear about my weekend? Sorry, I don't want to write about it right now. It's a bit late. I don't even really want to write about today. Suffice it to say that the concerts went beautifully and there really isn't much more to be said about rehearsals anyway. Sorry, I'm not feeling like exerting much energy.

Something has been catching up with me today. Maybe it's just Monday, maybe it's that I didn't get a weekend, maybe it's because everyone around me is sick and I'm fighting something off (even if there aren't other symptoms) but I'm just tired, slow, and having trouble summoning up enthusiasm. I did various random, unconnected tasks today. Five thirty seemed really slow in coming. Even though I start somewhat later than I did during school, I'm using my mornings so I'm not really sleeping in. Part of my brain still thinks everything should be over by three o'clock. The other thing about school is that there's a change of scenery at least every eighty minutes or so. Things change, focus changes, and the day gets broken up. But I spent my whole day in the same room working from the same computer and my patience started getting thin. The computer was moving really slowly too.

Perhaps the most "exciting" thing that happened today was actually after I left the office. My dad drove me home and we were maybe five minutes away when I realized I had Julia's keys in my coat pocket from when I'd fetched some things from her car. So we got to go back downtown. I felt bad because when I called Julia she was getting ready to leave. One of the things I really want to do over Walkabout is actually stay organized with everything (I thrive on mess) but I've come to realize over the past couple of days that I just don't pay much attention to where I put things. You would think I'd have figured this out by now, but normally I just don't try very hard. Lately I've been intending to keep things together and in its proper place, but when I scamper off to do something, I'm bound to just set down a water bottle or, apparently, keep someone else's keys in my pocket. I've always like mess anyway, though. I'm not saying that entirely bitterly, even. Mess feels familiar and welcoming, kind of like I like old beat up books because there's evidence that they have been "loved." I'm probably just crazy, or at least I like to think I am. OK, I'm going to wrap this up because this will just get even sillier and more pointless the farther I go. I may as well just stop.

Chillaxin’ at the Southern

2009-02-07T08:22:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was a pretty slow day for me. Most of it was spent at the Southern theatre for the rehearsals. We don't need to do a whole lot there, and I really can't help with most of that anyway. What's more, the little niche backstage where I spent my downtime had a TV and I have a tendency to be completely stupefied by those things. I think it's actually because I almost never watch TV, so when I do, I have a lot of trouble pulling my eyes away even though I really don't care about what's on. I have a feeling, therefore, that I may have missed some opportunities to at least ask to help because I just wasn't paying attention. The other thing is that when Julia left and I didn't know where, I really didn't have any way of knowing I wouldn't get lost wandering around the Southern, so I decided to stay put. I think I heard the weather forecast six times yesterday.

The first rehearsal at the Southern was open to senior citizens, and we handed out cookies and juice at break. That is, Katie and I handed out cookies and Juice to guests while Julia hunted down Vadim and Gary to confirm some things. There's not much to say about the open rehearsal. We were supposed to take pictures too, but I have a feeling they all came out blurry. People kept moving before the picture had actually taken.

After that, I really didn't have much to do. There were more rehearsing, but that didn't require anything from me. The niche backstage I mentioned earlier with the TV felt sort of like a cross between how I envision a dorm room and the back hallway. It was about the size of the back hallway, with chairs lining the edges in a similar arrangement. Where your office would be, there was in fact a non-functional elevator. There were two narrow tables covered in a mess of things and a bulletin board covered in things I mostly didn't read. There was a printout of a cyanide and happiness comic and a picture of the stage manager with the caption "who's your daddy?" The stage manager and a couple other people who worked at the theatre (I'm not sure exactly of their jobs) spent their time back there, as well as Julia some and Tim and a few musicians would come out at break.

When the rehearsal s ended, we had to bring everything over to the Josephinum. The harpsichord and some stands and chairs were shoved in a van and Julia drove us over to the Josephinum taking a stop first at Chipotle. Setting up went really quickly because there were a couple seminarian students helping, along with Katie and a friend of hers. We had to put stage lights on all the stands because the light isn't great there. Julia had just finished saying how she used to have to tape down all the chords but hasn't the last couple of times and no one said anything when I almost tripped over chords. I guess I'm just talented or something.

More, Better, Meetings

2009-02-07T08:17:00.001-08:00

I don't want to just copy and paste my Wednesday Journal because I don't want to get gossipy. You see, on Wednesday there was an operations meeting between Tim Russel who is ProMusica's music director, Tom who plays trumpet in ProMusica and the CSO and I think does the contracting for ProMusica as well as maybe other things, Janet who is ProMusica's executive director, Julia who is my mentor and head of operations, and me. I don't think I necessarily said anything negative, but the most interesting thing for me was the social dynamics of the meeting. Negative things were said about some people, interesting decisions and comments about musicians were made, and the atmosphere of the meeting itself had me intrigued. I suddenly was extremely excited to have this Walkabout.

I think I accidentally saved yesterday's journal over Thursday's, which is rather unfortunate. I could probably retrieve it if I wanted. But anyway, I mostly talked about my visit to Reynoldsburg High School of Musicians in the Schools. I was mistaken for the musician instead of an observing intern. (I went by myself and Julia went somewhere else.) That was… interesting. I think it was overall a good experience though and turned out pretty entertaining when Hannah, the violinist who was supposed to actually work with the students got there. The kids made me laugh. It was a quartet that's performing today at solo and ensemble. Speaking of which, good luck to everyone today with that! J

More Calls and the SAB

2009-02-07T08:07:00.001-08:00

February 3, 2009

When I arrived today I was in somewhat a better temperament than yesterday. I think the strangeness of this last weekend hadn't worn off completely yesterday and I was already somewhat overwhelmed to begin with. (Friday I had an audition at Duquesne and I spent the whole weekend in Pittsburg. Sunday night I went to a Columbus Symphony Youth orchestra concert and spent half the concert driving around looking for parking. Literally. I arrived at intermission.) The venting I did last night, both through my journal and at my oboe lesson, seemingly eased most of that tension so that from the beginning today could go better.

Even so, I did eventually have to go back to the list of potential contacts for donations for the student gala to make phone calls. I think I did better today, or at least I contacted more people and didn't spend as much time fighting with myself. After getting a blunt "no" a few times in a row I had to stop and regroup though. And I know that when I stopped my patience was somewhat thinner. I had to put together some directions for school visits and I was not in the mood to encouragingly urge to computers on but rather to curse at them, which I resisted the urge to do. As the day closed, I also became increasingly aware that I was not really done and that before I really had time to eat dinner I would have to come back for the Student Advisory Board meeting at seven o'clock.

I got home a little after six and my wonderful mother had put my share of the meal that she and my brother had already eaten in the microwave when she heard the garage door. I still was eating and running and this really ground on my nerves, I think because I felt like it was past time to be done for the day. School ends at 3:00 (…ish. Before at Linworth, after at Kilbourne) but my day at ProMusica ends at 5:30. And when school is over it's over, but I had to drive back before I'd really even been at home. I had that same tense, distressed feeling of dread that I experienced before all my late nights writing paper and such this year. Much worse than the day after was always the day before when I spent the day wondering if I'd really finish and if I could really make it through the night. And even with all my resolve and determination, there was always a fatalistic feeling that it would just never end and I'd never get to sleep. Now, instead of a never ending night I feared a never ending day. The knowledge that even my two all-nighters turned out not to be all that bad after the fact could not erase despairing cynicism.

Incidentally, I actually somewhat enjoyed the Student Advisory Board meeting. It felt kind of like a Prospice (Kilbourne's literary mag) meeting, only with more people who were, generally, more on top of things. Plus there's the part where at Prospice I was somewhat the leader people were looking to whereas this was my first SAB meeting and even though I'd had things explained to me beforehand I was still getting feel for how things worked and what we were doing. But I felt like we were discussing similar ideas for how to promote the student gala (as opposed to how to get submissions for the literary magazine) and that the social structure was following the same sorts of patterns. I also guess I hadn't really thought that much about how much time I'm spending working completely on my own, or just with Julia. I think interacting with peers was kind of refreshing, even though I have been going to band class. Maybe I also rejoiced secretly in the fact that many really weren't all that more on top of things than I was and that already. In any case, my day ended well enough so I must get some sleep before tomorrow's madness.

WALKABOUT UPDATES!!

2009-02-07T08:05:00.001-08:00

This week has been absolutely mad and I just haven't gotten to update the blog. Honestly, I've barely done anything but go where I'm needed and conk out as soon as I get home. ProMusica has two concerts this weekend and that makes for long days. I'm just going to put some (probably edited) excerpts of journals up and the full journal about yesterday I think. Ready? Ready?

February 2, 2009

Today I felt almost as if I had just started school during exam week. There's a similar kind of pressure in the air and I really barely understand what needs to be done and what is going on. Not that I'm not being taken care of or anything like that, but I'm certainly in danger of being overwhelmed.

That said, the only thing that I did today regarding these concerts, besides review my schedule for the week, was attend the weekly staff meeting. The meeting, at 2:00 is the main source of my confusion and all the aforementioned emotions and sensations. As another analogy, part of the Passover seder is the tradition of four children, one wise, one wicked, one I forget completely , and one simple who "doesn't know how to ask." I have never really identified with that explanation of the simple child until today at that meeting. There were more things I didn't know or understand than I knew where to begin asking questions and too much information to hold onto and process. I felt my attention slipping even as I tried to put pieces together, I think because I wasn't really getting anywhere. It was kind of like what might happen if I were put in an advanced calculus class. Since I've taken a semester of calc with Char, I'd have some sense of the general ideas and concepts, but many would be entirely unfamiliar besides some obscure reference that might have once been made, and overall I wouldn't have a clue what was happening. When asked at the end, "do you have any questions?" I wanted to give a heartfelt yes, but I just didn't know what to say.

Mostly, however, I was doing work for ProMusica's Student Advisory Board with Julia's other intern, Katie. Katie won't be around as often as me, but she is actually on the Student Advisory Board (as opposed to my only having heard of it when Jen lined up this Walkabout) and I think she's also been working with Julia for a while. I think this put me kind of on edge because I had just one more impetus not to do dumb things—which will ultimately be unavoidable because in reality I just don't know about this kind of stuff not to do or at least say something stupid. We were working on the student Gala at the beginning of April, first coming up with ideas for things that might be used in a raffle or silent auction (or something) and eventually contacting businesses asking for donations.

I have always hated fundraising, always neglected to do it whenever possible, and generally dislike both asking for things and talking on the phone. This also accounts for why my interims were generally unspectacular. So, after drawing up the list and finding contact information for the first business on it (Chipotle) I stared at the phone. I rechecked the phone number and went over what I had to say. I stared at the phone. I picked it up and started to dial but it asked me for a password. I think the phone thought I intended to listen to its voicemail message. I learned I needed to press "line 1"(or "line 2," line 3," etc) if I wanted to actually dial out. I stared at the phone. I made the call.

I expected to do this a few times and stop hesitating. Not so. Every time, I had to stop, pull myself together and rally myself as if I were doing something truly difficult or even dangerous. It's amazing, I'll walk out in front of people and play oboe any day, even walk up and sing a song I barely know, but making phone calls asking for donations was nerve-grindingly hard beyond anything remotely rational. And I don't know how I might go about explaining that to Julia because it's kind of important to be able to do it. Not that I can't do it, I just… dislike it heartily.

Senior Moment

2009-02-02T19:24:00.001-08:00

By "senior moment," I mean that creepy feeling of, "oh God, I'm leaving" and actually comprehending what that means. Obviously, I've known for some time that I would be leaving school as I know it second semester, and that whatever shelter Linworth, Kilbourne, and my home still offer will be gone when I leave for college next fall. But that intellectual knowledge hardly ever reaches my core. I can say, "I only have two days left," or "I never have to write another college comp paper," but my inner self still prepares for the world it knows best, and expects to find it even when I know I have left. Even having left, the true implications do not reach me immediately until they burst before me in sudden insight. That—for the purposes of this blog—is a "senior moment."

I just got home from an oboe lesson. I left a full 40 minutes after I was supposed to, and my lesson should have only been a half hour. I think that's the longest time I stretched things, but to be fair, we probably did not even spend a full 30 minutes playing. Driving home, the thought suddenly hit me that I do not need therapy only because of my amazing music teachers. So I must take this moment to send my love. This does not mean I do not have love or thanks for my other teachers, but I want to honor my music teachers for the moment, especially my private piano teacher and oboe teacher because I do not think I've ever really thought about how much they really do for me or mean to me. There is the music, and that alone is a treasure, but they have helped me through so much else just by listening and always being there. I realized that tonight.

The beginning of that impact came almost a month ago (or over a month ago?) at my last choir concert. I found that instead of counting down days till walkabout or days left of school, I was counting choir rehearsals. I was trying to imagine going to Kilbourne, as I would for band class, and never going to choir and rarely seeing Grif. I had not really thought I would mind at all for a long time because I've never been particularly impressed with my choir class. But I found I was going to miss Griffin tremendously and the weight of leaving choir became heavier and heavier as time passed. Somehow though, I never really looked farther than that. I felt a pang of regret passing the choir room today, but I didn't think twice about the dwindling time left in band, or the shortening time between now and when I must bid goodbye to my private teachers. But that won't last either, will it? I realized that tonight.

I think, in giving so much over to music, I have given a great deal up to my music teachers. I have turned to you for help so many times, sometimes in music sometimes in life and even when I haven't, you have taught me so much. So even though it's time to move on, and I'm more than ready, I don't know what I'm going to do without you. I know there will be other people to help me and guide me, that I will certainly have a fair share of music teachers next year, but I still can't imagine not having you around. I realized that tonight. Fully. Thank you so much, Steve Rosenberg, Cynthia Adams, Larry Griffin, Phil Day, Don Nathan. I love you.

First Day of Walkabout

2009-02-01T13:31:00.001-08:00

I have been out of town for the past couple of days, so I haven't been able to update. Now it's time to share the experiences of Thursday with you! My first day of Walkabout should have been Wednesday, but Julia called me and told me not to come in. So I made the trek downtown Thursday by myself in the snow.

Snow actually didn't concern me all that much. Instead, I tried to remember when I had last driven on a highway by myself. I had no idea. Normally, I just avoid highways and take other roads to wherever I need to go. I don't drive that often anyway, and much of the time there would be no reason to use a highway anyway. Suddenly, with Walkabout, this has changed. I need to drive downtown everyday, and that means taking 315 to 670. So I left at 10:20 and started driving. (My schedule at Promusica is 11:00-5:30 M,T,Th, F and 9:00-5:30 W. I'm going to band class M,T, Th, F, but did not on Thursday with school cancelled.) Then I turned around and went back to get my cell phone. At 10:26, I was really off, starting to wonder what the highways would be like with the familiar roads this snowy and icey. Generally, I'm a pretty confident snow driver. I think it's because I vowed when I was quite young never to complain about snow. This requires convincing myself that driving in snow isn't too bad.

The highways were more or less clean and normal and because it was so late traffic was relatively light. I arrived on time safely at ProMusica and was able to get to work. I was kind of proud of myself for finding my way and for not having problems on the highways, although I suppose in a week or two I won't think twice about either.

The first task I was given to do was address and stuff envelopes which is as it is. For what it's worth, Julia had asked me complete a spreadsheet with contacts yesterday and I used that to address the envelopes. I actually did not mind the task as I was able to think about whatever I pleased or just clear my mind. I went into a similar state as when I play simple computer games or the like, which is kind of relaxing and hopefully positive. As I was finishing that up, Julia asked me to copy some CD's from the archives. Whenever ProMusica plays a concert, it gets recorded and all the recordings are saved on the mainframe. Musicians recieve recordings of their performances so they can listen and find things to improve. In December, ProMusica played some concerts with the Lancaster Chorale. Apparantly, the CD's sent back to Lancaster did not play all the tracks, so I got to copy these recordings onto new CD's for the Lancaster Chorale and for a soloist who also needed a recording. It was funny, I've always thought that I'm equally adept at using Macs and PCs because for years I had to use Macs as school and at home I've always had a PC. However, I've never burned a CD at school, so I got to feel kind of dumb for a few minutes as Julia explained how to do it. (So clearly this should be a perfectly acceptable task at school so that in the real world when we need to do it on any kind of computer we don't need help. Anyone going to buy that you think?)

When burning CD's, I started working on this journal because I discovered that I really did not want to just sit and wait for the data to transfer. I'm not always like that though, I've spent long periods of time when I should be working on College Comp at home reading blogs and checking Facebook in the middle of the night. Then again, in those cases I'm still doing something, whereas at ProMusica I would never just surf the internet for no reason and just staring at a screen waiting for the little bar move to the other side is not exactly my idea of fun. So instead of the feeling that I out to be working, I was compelled to this task by the need to just do something.

The last thing I had to do was book rental cars for those musicians who fly in from out of town. I was kind of nervous at first because it felt more important—or at least easier to mess up significantly—than my other tasks. But after two computers fought me so hard I had to switch to a third that feeling had been completely replaced by familiar computer frustration. One of the computers I used was in Julia's office and she laughed at me when I was talking to it encouragingly. I like to try to encourage computers when they're loading slowly, as if they could hear me or something. It makes me feel better.

Weekend in Indianapolis, Part III

2009-01-26T19:31:00.001-08:00

Despite all the good I've been spouting about my audition/visit at Butler, the best part of my weekend came on Saturday when I went buy an oboe from Carlos Cuelho http://www.carlosoboe.com . I had not realized until that day that my parents were willing to go all the way to $8k for me. I should qualify that; I've been saving money for this oboe for several years, but I still don't think I could have contributed much more than $3k. I'm not quite sure though, I don't know how much used to be in my bank account.

Anyway, that meant that I was able to buy a brand new Loree Royale. I tried six different oboes, and that's what I came home with. I'm still incredibly excited about this, I can't even say. The hard part is that I still need to break it in, so I can only play on it fifteen to twenty minutes at a time. When I switch back to the Fox (I've been playing a Renard 330 for about six years now) it feels almost like a toy. My band director just told me to bring the Fox back to school to give to another oboist, which worries me. We have some talking to do, because I really need to have an oboe I can play on for an extended period of time! But I hate to leave someone without an oboe. Anyway, I'll be keeping my hands on the Fox at least until I audition at Duquesne this Friday no matter what. Then we can maybe work something out. Oh well, I'll worry about that later. The point is, I have an amazing oboe now and I'm pretty much in love with it. His name is Bellamy, which is a French name (fitting, right?) that means "beautiful friend."

Weekend in Indianapolis, Part II

2009-01-25T17:18:00.001-08:00

After the audition, I briefly met the other oboist auditioning and mostly relaxed for a couple hours. I met her again at the wind ensemble rehearsal that must have started around two, and we talked some. I wonder if we'll play together next year? That could be really cool.

At 4:00 or so, round two of the day began: I met Laura, a freshman oboist at Butler majoring in music education with whom I was to spend the night. She was really nice and friendly, and I felt really welcomed. I think it should be clear by now that I'm feeling quite positive about Butler in general. I don't know whether I'll go there yet, but it was nice to know that I could definitely be happy there. And Butler has already sent me a nice bundle of money in academic scholarships, so I could very easily end up there. Even so, I most certainly have not decided where I will be going to school yet. I have to complete the rest of my auditions, give all the schools a final one-over, and see what kind of aid I'll be getting. Until then, anything might happen. Still, Butler's in a good place after these past couple of days.

When I went up to Laura's dorm to drop off my sleeping bag, clothes, etc, I was introduced to her friend Yael and Yael's "hostee" (whose name now escapes me). I immediately noticed that Yael was wearing a magen david. When she realized that I'm Jewish, she immediately hugged me and exclaimed over me, because I guess Butler doesn't have much of a Jewish population. The girl she was hosting chimed in that she was Jewish as well, which was really cool. This reminded Yael that the Hillel organization (or whatever it is) was having a Shabbat dinner that night, so it was decided the three of us would go there for food. In the mean time, we picked up another Jewish girl, a bass player, being hosted by another friend of Laura and Yael. So we went together to a short service and some food. I enjoyed myself. I guess I wish I could go somewhere with more Jews on campus, but I at least they're there and have these dinners and stuff, so I won't lose my Jewish identity either. That's really what matters as far as that goes.

After dinner, we went to a faculty recital. It was super amazing and good. I had a great time, really and truly. Anyway, I could ramble on for a while, but the point is, the visit part of my Butler excursion was absolutely successful and I know I'll be happy there. I've said that already? Well I think that's the main point of this particular blog post. Tomorrow I'll talk about… OBOE SHOPPING!!!!! (stay tuned!)

Weekend in Indianapolis, Part I

2009-01-25T09:25:00.001-08:00

This Thursday, I went up to Indianapolis and Butler University to have my first audition. Because I want to major in oboe performance, not only do I need to send applications to all the colleges I want to go to, but I have to go to each of the schools and perform an audition, which is pretty much the scariest thing ever. Basically, you're put in a room with a few people listening (at Butler the oboe professor and bassoon professor listened to me) and have to play scales, a prepared solo or etude (generally, you prepare something lyrical and something technical), and sight-read. This does not have to be horribly difficult, but the pressure is high. These twenty minutes decide whether or not I'm accepted into a school's music program.

Friday was an audition day at Butler, which meant that there were seventy other people there and planned activities for us to do besides audition. First we were given an audition schedule and herded into what was clearly a band room (I think the orchestras rehearse there too. But I call it a band room because it felt like home.) to be greeted by the head of music admissions and the president of the Jordan College of Fine Arts. Before they began speaking I was able to ascertain that mine was the first woodwind audition and would be held at 1:00. The only other oboist to audition that day would follow me at 1:20. In the mean time, I was to take a theory placement test at either 10:00 or 4:00 and otherwise could attend more or less any activity I wished.

So, after the greeting I proceeded across the hall to where the theory test was administered. The test was not very difficult, although I have a very solid grounding theory. Hopefully, if I chose to go to Butler, I'll be asked to take the next level of theory test. That one will be a bit more work.

After the theory test, I went to a freshman theory class. They were talking about cadences and phrases and how to analyze where the cadence points are that determine the ends of phrases and then breaking up phrases into smaller segments according to motive. I had almost entirely forgotten about this chapter of theory—when I took AP theory last year we used the same book—so I took a couple minutes to feel I really understood what was going on. But, I did understand what was going on which was really exciting.

I then ate lunch, which my mother brought me from the bowels of Aferton. (I should really check to see how that's actually spelled, right? Oh well) I then went to a practice room for my warm-up. I played some scales and long tones and then got out my music to look over the sections that still sort of worried me. Everything came out just fine. That's when I knew I was going to have a great audition. And that's how it has to be before a good performance. You have to just know you're going to play well. When you feel that, in the core and not just the surface, that it's going to go well, you know you're right about it. At least, you know you'll play your best. I guess I could have played my best and still not have been received well. But not this time.

So I went in and just played. Nothing went really wrong, there were a couple scrapes, and when I played a two-octave F scale the top note didn't come out very well. Even so, they were very positive about the audition, legitimately happy about how I'd played. I think I can tell these things pretty well. Generally people don't tell you, "ouch, that was horrid," in an audition, but you can still tell when they're pleased and when you've left them less than awed. I suppose I'm a good enough player that no one would (hopefully) have reason to tell me my playing is horrid—just not good enough. I've had less than perfect auditions before and letters sent to me with essentially those words. Now I'm auditioning for college and the pressure's somewhat higher. I really, really, want to be seen as good enough.

Excerpts from my Walkabout Proposal

2009-01-22T13:14:00.001-08:00

To explain Walkabout and what I'm doing, here are some excerpts from the Walkabout Proposal I'm sending to the school board so that I can venture into the world. I'll be doing this kind of thing fairly often, only it will be parts and compilations of my dailly journals. Much of this isn't exactly my writing, as we were given a template to follow and edit as we wished and I didn't change anything I didn't need to. On account of that same laziness, I am still not bothering to do any extra writing but am dumping parts of that template into a blog post. Still, if you want to know what Walkabout is and what I'm doing, this should answer your questions.

Placement Summary

During the first eight-week Walkabout (January 28-March 27), I plan to work at ProMusica Chamber Orchestra here in Columbus. My mentor will be Julia Cline Hare, the director of operations and education for the organization. I will also continue to participate in Worthington Kilbourne's Wind Ensemble, attending rehearsal four days a week (every school day but Wednesday). On the days I attend band class, I will drive to Kilbourne to start class at 9:30 and after class ends I will drive to ProMusica and work until about 5:30. I will also attend the meetings of ProMusica's Student Advisory Board. I will mostly be working in operations.

Walkabout Background

The Linworth Walkabout Program, which derives its name from the Australian aboriginal rite of passage from adolescence to adulthood, marks a transition from youth and school to adulthood and community life. It is designed to develop the skills, attitudes and values of responsible adulthood. Central to the program is the belief that being tested in classroom setting doesn't prove the ability of the student to apply knowledge. The test of Walkabout, and of life, is not what a student can do under a teacher's direction, but what he or she can do as an individual.

Linworth students, who have met graduation requirements, use the second semester of their senior year to test their skills and abilities in the adult world of work. They engage with a mentor or group of mentors in two eight week long, thirty-hours-per-week, volunteer apprenticeships or internships between January and June. In these placements students may choose to examine career or academic goals, to offer community service, to hone practical or survival skills, or to participate in a research project or creative endeavor.

The thirty-year-old program represents a successful merger of the school and the community and the culmination of four years of experiential learning. It results in a school-community partnership offering students a chance to learn outside the classroom. It gives both students and mentors a fifty-fifty exchange of service for learning.

Rationale

Music is essential to my life and I currently intend to major in oboe performance. Last year, when the Columbus Symphony threatened to fold, I realized the importance of all the work that goes on behind the scenes of an arts organization. I also saw the disaster caused by misunderstandings between the musicians and those people who kept the organization running. I wanted to be sure that I understood the inner workings of a music organization and to see the kind of work that has to be done for the performances to go on. ProMusica is a healthy organization and will be a great place for me to learn how non-profits work.

Activities

I will be doing a variety of activities at ProMusica. Julia listed five categories of things I would probably be working on; concert operation and logistics, open rehearsal, urban outreach program, creative hybrids, and student advisory board. Operation and logistics refers to jobs like attending staff meetings, organizing and setting up itineraries for guest arts and taking care of hospitality needs, assisting with set up and tear down at events not held at the Southern Theatre, and various other duties. Open rehearsal jobs include revising program notes to fit into the open rehearsal program flyer, updating details in the program and printing enough quantity, and calling registered attendees to confirm the rehearsal date and time. To assist the urban outreach program, I will assist with scheduling and communication with social service agencies and possibly also assist with print materials and teacher packets. For Creative Hybrids, I will attend session as Hilliard Davidson and Walnut Ridge High Schools to work with music software and composition process and well as prepare any print documents needed for the project. I will help the Student Advisory Board to prepare for events and relay any items for which ProMusica's office staff is responsible.

I Send My Blessing

2009-01-21T19:13:00.001-08:00

Things have been complicated here. I have a lot to think about, and therefore to write about I guess. Mostly though, I'm just waiting for things to happen, like I have my first college audition this Friday and Walkabout starts a week from today. But my life as I've had it for three and a half years is ending, my last exam finished, my last essay turned in. And something significant happened yesterday, something painful and shocking.

Yesterday my last exam was choir, and my director decided to just have a two hour rehearsal. I approached the class with focused nostalgia and ceremonial dedication: this is my last choir class, I told myself. I may never sing with these people again. And then, as I set myself through these careful, ritualized mental paces, my friend received a text message. She leaned over and made me read it:

"Larry had a seizure during the U.S. History exam."

Before I go on, I should explain a bit the nature of the school I go to. It's called the Linworth Alternative Program, and it's a small school of less than 200 students. We take some classes at Linworth and some classes—like band and choir—at the main high schools where the rest of the district goes. Linworth is unique in many, many subtle ways. The walls are covered in artwork, decisions are made at Town Meeting with the whole school instead of a student government—and everyone, even teachers, vote equally. Teachers are called by their first names. And senior year, we leave second semester on internships and independent studies, all over the world.

Larry has been teaching at Linworth longer than any other teacher, and even though he has threatened retirement, his not teaching seems almost impossible. He seems almost like a part of the school itself, so integral to the experience, a legend to incoming freshman. And he's a truly amazing teacher. This so the shock of that message seemed to make everything stop and turn unreal.

Yet the world doesn't stop turning for that. I have to be ready for my audition this Friday, and the next on Monday. I had to finish exam week even with that news, and Walkabout will go on as planned. Things go on just like always, except from time to time you remember that there's something really wrong.

What is “Obuábamos?”

2009-01-19T05:18:00.001-08:00

Last year, I took a class conducted entirely on Blogger, and ever since I've rather wanted to go back to blogging. Unfortunately, I really haven't had the time to do so, nor any particularly interesting subject matter. But now, as I'm about to embark on Walkabout, I feel I may have something interesting or unique to say now and again. So I'm going to make an endeavor to keep a blog, updating it hopefully twice over the week and at least once over weekends. I will probably be recycling Walkabout journals—why not? And I plan to actually respond to other blogs that I read and increase my blog-reading. It'll be fun! But Miriam, you ask, that's all well and good but I wanted to know what you mean by "obuábamos."

Well I'll tell you. Long, long ago, my freshman year of high school, I a really great Spanish class. I don't mean that my teacher was any good or that I learned much about Spanish—I hardly did at all—but that the class itself, the people in it, was great. Freshman Spanish was made up of one of the most entertaining groups of people I've worked with to date. The story of the word "obuábamos" comes from that class.

It's really not all that remarkable a story. We were learning, that fateful day, how to conjugate the past imperfect tense that indicates past actions that took place over an unknown amount of time. For verbs ending in "ar," the conjugation is, "___aba, ___abas, ___aban, ___ábamos, ___aban." This makes for some truly fun to say words, especially in the nosotros form. The class meanwhile disintegrated into an excited clamor of, "hablábamos! bailábamos! trabajábamos!"

Meanwhile, I had discovered a French dictionary. For some reason this caused me to contemplate the French spelling of the word "oboe." You see, oboe is something of an obsession of mine, and such ponderings were hardly unusual on my part. My teacher had once told me both the French pronunciation of the "oboe" (O-bwah) and its spelling, but I had regretfully forgotten the latter. The presence of a French dictionary seemed a perfect opportunity to remedy the situation. And so I looked. The proper spelling of "oboe" in French, by the way, is "hautbois."

Well I wanted to share this new knowledge, but my class was somewhat preoccupied with theirs. And so, among the excited conjugating of verbs into the imperfect nosotros form, an entirely new word joined the ranks: obuábamos. "We used to oboe." Now why would I name my blog such a statement? Who is "we?" Why not anymore? Is "obuar" really a verb? No, no, no, you have it all wrong. I named my blog "obuábamos" because no one else is using the word. There are (were) no Google hits for it. In this way, "obuábamos" is the perfect name for my blog.